worried to death

Hi, can anyone advise me on this?
A friend's wife has out of the blue just told him she wants a divorce (subsequently he finds out she has been having an affair). He is shattered; they have young children and he believed they were happy - we all did. When I first heard I thought it was crazy, thought this lady was having a mental breakdown or something but no she certainly knows her mind. Trouble is he is so shell shocked, so concerned for children and she is moving at the rate of knots...the news was only dropped a week ago and already she is consulting estate agents/solicitors. I am afraid that if this speed does not let up she will bully him into everything whilst he is sleepwalking.
Realistically I know all i can do is listen and be there but....

pippa,

Welcome to Wikivorce. Thank you on behalf of your friend for trying to look after his best interests.

You are quite right - she is heading off like red rum and he is still in the stables thinking about saddling up.

He is also very vulnerable. Point him here. If that is not going to happen, tell him that he has his own and his children's lives to plan and consider and that he needs to take legal advice himself.

It is all too easy when in a state of shock and denial to be led into all kinds of agtreements that are perhaps one-sided or inappropriate, but feel pressured or blackmailed into agreeing to them.

It will take him weeks or months to get his head around what he needs to be thinking about. He has an enormous game of catch up to play.

If nothing else, get him to look at the front page 'Step-by Step guide to divorce' It will illustrate the things he needs to be thinking about.

Never say never, his marriage may be salvageable. His wife may be a bit delusional at the moment. Suggest he gets her to Relate for counseling.

Hope it gives you some starters.

Mike

Thank you Mike, I will suggest he looks at this site. I think the advice will help and also it will be good for him to know that other people have gone through similar things, and survived. At the moment I don't think he can see any future. Thanks.

You are saying she wants a divorce based on her own adultery?

Maybe she's feeling ashamed of having cheated and is trying to rush things through so there aren't too many questions asked and she doesn't have to sit down and actually explain herself. It'd be better for both of them to actually sit and talk about it, he should maybe take the high ground and suggest this. Amicably talk about what's going on, keep calm and get it all out in the open properly. Then go from there.

no, apparently she is unhappy. Her adultery is just a side-line, one that she would have rather have kept hidden.

Hi pippa

good advice there from Mike , it is quite common on this site to find people who have been so shocked by the sudden news that they find it hard to cope , whilst frequently the other person has had time to think and plan and so is miles ahead of the game .
Its also quite common too for the other person to have someone else waiting in the wings , this means they have someone to confide in and are looking to their new future whilst the left behind person is still struggling to come to terms .

Wiki is a great source of help and support, am sure your friend would find it very useful.

shiny

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