Hi all

Hi all, new to this site so I thought I'd say hello.

So I've now been separated 7 months, married 17 years, loyal loving and supportive husband. My ex decided to move out in Jan with my daughter. I offered to go and rent and pay half the mortgage but she insisted I stay and finish working on the house as I've been restoring it, then she said to sell the house.

She told me the house needed to be for sale within 6 months so she can receive her benefits, also told me she needed 4k from me for the letting agency to get her house...both tuned out to be lies.

She's had a non molestation order served on me that says I can't be abusive, pestering or harass her. I sent her a few emails about solicitor matters and trying to come to some sort of arrangement. She rang the police on me for these emails and they came and arrested me and locked me up for 13 hours. To which I was then released without charge and given an apology by the police as the solicitor present could not see that I had been abusive, pestering or harassing.

She has ignored me for the last 7 months whilst I remain in the family home paying all the bills including our joint mortgages.

Im paying a ridiculous amount of maintenance through CMS...even though she told me she wouldn't go through them. The amount she receives from me through CMS plus child benefit is the same we used to budget for food per month for three people. With her income, plus benefits plus maintenance plus child benefit she receives more per month than me...I work full time, she works two days a week. Theirs a reason for child maintenance to be means tested.

Despite myself paying a majority of the bills for the last seven years together and all of the bills during a 1.5 years period when she was not working and all the bills during the last 7 months...she is going for a 70/30 split in her favour in the equity of the house...hows that fair?

In 17 years marriage she never discussed her pension and kept her financial matters to herself, I've asked for disclosure of her financial statements a couple of times but I just get ignored, I have however found out she has a pension worth ten times mine and have only found that out in the last few weeks...and all that while I was with her I spent all my money on her and the house. Nice eh.

I didn't see a question. More or less a "fair?"
All's fair in love and war.


Write everything you have said here in your financial application. It may seem odd but you can get relief from her too.

Sharing finances
Pension
ignoring requests
being arrested for harassment
her purposely reducing her income at the last minute
conduct
agreements
and more
the judge will be upset if you mention child maintenance, so don't
write in a table her income and yours facts and figures nothings else.
payments you made etc

You could get out of this with a Clean Break, you keep your house, and she has some child maintenance, and some of her pension.

But evidently, you need a solicitor to look at that sheet of paper and say what you need to do.

I think it is important that you both understand how financial settlement on divorce works.

Put very simply it is a matter of your respective needs for housing and income, now and in the future, and the means you have between you to meet them.

Any settlement has to be based on full financial disclosure. If she won't disclose, you should try booking mediation which she will be invited to attend. If that doesn't work out, the mediator will sign off the paperwork for an application to court.

Once you are in the court process she will have to make full disclosure. If she fails to do so it is the court she has to answer to.

The aim of the court process is to try to achieve settlement on the way through. As soon as you have full disclosure you can work towards this.

The significance of her pension depends on the sum involved.

We can help you work out what may be fair if you can provide a bit more information. Or you may want to ring the helpline to explore the support that is available via this site.

Hadenoughnow