Hello

Well I thought I’d introduce myself after joining you all.

6 weeks ago tomorrow I found out my husband of 21 years married but together 29 years was seeing one of my close friends. A friend that continued to have coffee with me, bring her son to our house every day to walk to school with our son and have play dates. Some friend! I didn’t even know we had a problem with our marriage, no arguments, both just doing our own stuff. But at 51 I guess he must have just been bored!
He runs his own self employed baking business and I don’t work.

We have a 17 year old and an 11 year old and have lived in this house for 19 years and are now mortgage free.

They moved in together in our little town 4 weeks after I saw a text message from her and kicked him out and her husband kicked her out too.

Today he mentioned divorce and selling the house. The kids and I don’t want to move but the only asset we have is the house and it is worth about £260,000 if we sold.

Thanks for accepting me and I look forward to reading all about what I need to be doing.

Welcome to Wikivorce but sorry you find yourself here.

It may be possible for you to stay in the house at least until the youngest child is older. A lot depends on how big the house is and what it would cost for you to rehouse in a property that meets your needs.

You would need to exchange financial information and agree a valuation for the property and any other assets. The court would expect you to look for employment.

The start point for dividing assets after a long marriage would be 50:50 including property and pensions. How it actually end up depends on needs with the need to house children and their main carer as a priority. You shouldn't agree to sell until you have a legally binding financial settlement. You cannot get that until you are at the Decree Nisi stage of divorce.

There is no rush. You need to have time to come to terms with all this. You have only just found out but this may have been going on for some time.

If you have limited income you may qualify for help with court fees. This may help you pay for a divorce. Google help with court fees and complete the online form.

We are here to offer practical help and moral support whenever you need it.

Hadenoughnow

Thank you for the reply, the house is probably worth about £260,000, it’s a 4 bed detached. I would need £180 - £200 thousand to get a 3 bed in our little town. I’m not prepared to move my children away from their friends and school as my youngest (11) has social & emotional problems and it would break him. Yes I’m definitely not rushing into anything as it’s only been 7 weeks plus both children have exams in 2020 and my youngest starts seniors so that’s enough to be coping with without losing their home.

I’m waiting for a free appointment with a solicitor to see about where I stand with a mesher order. I can afford to stay here and pay the bills and if he will wait for his money until youngest is 28 but we shall see. Neither of us have any money for solicitors so he wants to agree stuff between us before going on to solicitors but we shall see.

If you can afford to run house, and it's not far bigger than you need, then don't rush anything. It's him that will want to change the status quo.

Long term though I doubt you will get away with a Mesher type order until youngest is 28. Or is that a typo?

Yes a typo, I meant 18.
Yes I’m just going to stay put. if he wants things changing then he can get things sorted! I know he can’t afford a solicitor, he has a small baking business but it doesn’t bring in a decent regular income and now he has a crap oven in his rented flat. So he’ll have to get a job to pay for solicitors etc. His mum had baked him out at the moment to get him by but she won’t be doing that regularly!

Don't forget to claim child maintenance.

You may not get much, or indeed anything, now especially if he is self employed but it will be easier long term if you have a CMS assessment in place.