Hi

Hi to everyone - how i wish i had found this site before my absolute came through. I have spent months being constantly stressed. Can anyone give me some advise. My ex still lives in the house (we have 2 children school age and 1 at uni) the house is on the market, he is making my life a misery goes into my room and goes through all my personel stuff and has actually taken items and will not return, he is constantly verbally abusive to me in front of the kids he also earns 3 times as much as me and i seem to be getting deeper into debt. Although he lives there can i get any support from the csa?

thank you

What a mess for you! I don't know the answer to your question though. Is he contributing to shopping/bills and all that? If so, then he is already supporting children so I would have though CSA not relevant yet. As you now divorced, have you done the financial settlement yet?

Andy

Hello Loopylou100 and welcome to Wikivorce.

I think most of our membership are a little loopy when they arrive. Some even more so after they have been here a while!

Sounds like you are having a hard time of things at the moment.
You have a right to some priivacy and dignity. You are perfectly entitled to get a lock fitted to your bedroom door, but to be honest, that might just be seen as another challenge to be overcome. I would suggest that you take anything personal out of the house and keep it somewhere safe - family, a friend's house...

What are the plans when the house is sold? Are the children staying with you? Who get the child benefit? If it is you, you are the Parent With Care. It is a bit of a moot point right now as to how many nights the children spend with each parent, but for 2 school age children, he should be contributing 20% of his nett income (after tax and NI and pension contribution) as child maintenance. You could involve CSA, but until you are not in same house, it makes it tricky.

If the abuse is becoming intolerable, you can take legal steps, but they are likely to cause a backlash and are extreme. One is an occupation order, where you go to court to ask that he is no longer allowed to stay at the marital home because of his abusive behaviour. This would have to be supported by evidence - a diary, police reports, witness statements etc. The next step on from that is a non-molestation order, where he is barred from contacting you except by agreed methods, if at all. Similar application process and requirements. But these are last-ditch solutions. Better to try to reach an amicable agreement - I know that seems unlikely, but it is better if you can.

With the debt, I hope that you no longer have any joint financial commitments or account or credit cards (other than perhaps the mortgage)? If you do, you need to get yourself off any of them or you are jointly liable for any dent he racks up.

If he is overspending or getting into debt, it should be taken account of in the final settlement, but not guaranteed by any means.

Hope it helps as a starter.

Mike