New to the divorce process

Hi, I’m new here. My husband of 25 years walked out 2 weeks ago and is asking for a quick divorce. After he had an affair many years ago, was caught drink driving, got banned for speeding and then spent 70k from our mortgage we decided to try again.. I know!

Anyway, he retrained as a medical professional and I went back to art school.. now 10 years on after cranking up more debt, encouraging me into debt (I never had any when we met) and juggling his figures on his IVA, he encouraged me to leave my job I the nhs saying I should try giving my art a go again. He then used my JSA claim information to complete his last IVA review.. and then walked out.

I know I’ve been foolish and naive, but I had two children with this guy who have now returned home after being st Uni. They have just got their first jobs albeit low paid and part time when their Dad walked out.

now he wants me to file for divorce, which I don’t want as I’d rather have a separation, and sort out all of the paperwork, he said he would pay £550 fee and give me half his pension. I don’t have any money, or job and have been left in a real mess.

I think he left because his Dad 96 and he’s the only child, he stands to inherit £400,000.

I know I’m entitled to his pensions and maybe some spousal maintenance but I have no money for a solicitor.

I am utterly S******ed.

That’s me anyway.. anyone been there, done that got the t-shirt?

Welcome to Wikivorce but sorry you find yourself here.

There is no rush for you to do anything. Let the dust settle a bit. Use the time to research divorce and financial settlement and think about how you are going to reestablish a reasonable income.

He could always launch a divorce petition himself. That's a bridge to cross if it comes to that.

Unfortunately your children are not a consideration when it comes to financial settlement. It is harsh when we all know how hard it is for young adults to establish independence these days.

What you can do is see if you can work out a proposal that he would agree to. Bear in mind that spousal maintenance is deducted £ for £ from any benefits you get. It is also based on a: need and b: ability to pay.

Pensions would usually be shared to equalise incomes in retirement.

If you cannot afford a solicitor, it may be worth looking at our divorce consultant service which offers cost effective support for people who have to represent themselves.

Hadenoughnow

You don’t mention incomes but if he is on an IVA it suggests spousal maintenance is unlikely.

Are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to?

My husband has moved into a new place and paid me some money so although I have applied for benefits I think this will stop them paying anything. I only found out this weekend that he intends to pay some money to me until I can find a job but he is very unreliable (obviously) so I think I might be able to keep my universal credit account open to restart it if he fails to pay.

Yes, I think letting him start the petition might be the right thing to do for now. I am worried that I won’t be able to sort out a fair settlement with him though.. especially due to the IVA but I don’t think I have a lot of choice but to go through the process.

He has always controlled me over money so guess I have to accept that is the way it is for now.

I am looking for work in earnest. This will at least give me back some control.

He earns a high salary £34,000, and I am not earning as I’m on contributory based JSA.

He wants a quick divorce but his IVA has about 1 year and 4 months to run.

I have just discovered tonight that my husband is having an affair and that all the time I have been worrying about being too hard on him, he has been baiting me for unreasonable behaviour. I can barely believe it.

Anyway, the upshot is I have ground for divorce on infidelity. He was unfaithful years ago but he has done it again. How do I go about citing grounds on infidelity ? Do I have to give specific details ? Can I cite two instances ? I.e unknown women rather than unknown woman ?

I’m still reeling a bit but want to start divorce proceedings straightaway.

Oh dear. I am sorry to hear this. My advice would still be to let the dust settle before doing anything. You have a lot to come to terms with. He has been preparing for this for a while.

In order to divorce using adultery grounds, he would have to formally admit to it. Otherwise it is safer to use unreasonable behaviour and give as one of the reasons an inappropriate relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

Hadenoughnow