Struggling to make the jump

My husband and I have been together since I was 15. 29 years. We have been married for 20 years. We have two beautiful children 10 and 8. We both have good jobs and a nice house. To the outside world we are probably perfect.

My husband has a nasty temper (doesn’t hit me but gets very close to me yelling which frightens me) he shouts loudly and makes me shake when he is angry. This has been made much worse over the last few years since he got T1 diabetes. It seems his change in blood sugars/ hormones have made it worse. He embarrasses me in public and constant ridicules me and puts me down.
On top of this he basically ignores me every day. I don’t want to be treated like a princess but he doesn’t make even a small fuss if it’s my birthday, pass an exam or I get a promotion for example.

I have tried to talk to him hundred of times but he ignores me or starts yelling at me not giving me a chance to speak and telling me over and over it’s me that is the issue not him. I have booked counselling with Relate and he refused to go with me. I have sent him long emails/texts telling him how I feel and he deletes them without reading.

I am always on eggshells and have tried my best. I do think deep down he does love me he just has so much resentment and anger in him. I think he is jealous I don’t have diabetes.
I want him to take me out for the odd date night or mini break away. But he doesn’t want to do anything. If I do organise babysitting and book something he looks so miserable and I feel like I have dragged him out against his will.
I don’t know what else I can do. I feel like I am throwing in the towel but the years are passing by and I feel like I am wasting my life on him.
we don’t have big issues no affairs, drinking or gambling problems. We are very lucky.
we just don’t get on anymore.
He also does very little to help with housework. He is a good dad.
Do you think I should file for divorce?

No one could advise you whether to file for divorce or not as that has to be your decision. But, what I would say is that some of the behaviour you have described i abusive. Domestic abuse does not have to be physical, it can be emotional and manipulative too.
I guess the question to ask yourself is 'can I live with his behaviour for the rest if my life?' Depending on your answer, it may be more obvious to you whether separation or divorce is your best choice or whether you stay and try to work it out. There is support for you either way.
Have you asked your husband what he wants?

Hi your life sounds very similar to mine, have you considered your husband may be a narcissist? I was going through very similar experience, it began to follow a pattern, when I googled how I was being treated narcissistic abuse kept coming up. I started researching and a very ugly picture started to appear. It has been an eye opener and two years later I am still putting the pieces back together x

Thanks for your message. Yes I have since thought narcissistic behaviour. There is also a neglectful narcissist which I think he falls under.