Stuck!

Hi All, Here's a strange one for you. I've been trying to get divorced since spring 2020 and everything has stalled. My wife had an affair 2012/13 which I found out about and ended up telling 'him' to back-off. He was a millionaire, and they were talking about kids together. We had been drifting apart for a while and the affair, her refusal to go back to work (now that our 3 kids were all in secondary school & college) and her increased drinking, drove us even further apart. Jan 2019, I started sleeping downstairs in the lounge. Her drinking wasn't getting any better and whilst I didn't want to move out, I thought my presence in the family home was fuelling her fire. I moved into a flat in the same town and saw the girls regularly. I couldn't sustain the rent and bills on the flat, and mortgage and bills on the family home so after 6 months I moved in with my parents and applied for a divorce. Every other weekend I would travel the 2.5 hrs to see the girls and would take them back on occasion to stay at their grandparents. On one such weekend my wife took an overdose. The girls and I rushed back to the house and I shortly after moved back into the family home to ensure the girls safety and wellbeing. I have a kid’s bed under the stairs in the dining room and work from home full-time at the dining room table. My wife's drinking increased. The divorce or me having custody wasn't contested, but the financial settlement became the main sticking point. She wanted everything and despite several offers being made, she refused them all. We entered into mediation, but that broke down, as she would attend the virtual meetings drunk and couldn't tell the mediator why she needed what she was asking for. My wife is now declared medically alcohol dependant and unable to drive or work. She isn't eating and is self diagnosed as anorexic (although when sober has a healthy appetite and will cook and eat. She isn't looking after herself (bathing/showering, brushing teeth/hair etc.). She has run up a £4k bill with her lawyers which she can't pay and isn't instructing her solicitors in our ongoing financial settlement hearing. Her solicitors (via mine) are asking me to pay her legal bill. My solicitor says that if I don't, it could elongate the settlement hearing and that her solicitors could apply for a Legal Service Order to force my hand. There have been so many drunken episodes that have affected the two remaining kids living at home, that I have kept a diary. None of the girls has a good relationship with their mother with only one of them still prepared to tolerate her behaviour. We have had countless paramedics, police, social workers and doctors to the house. My wife has been admitted into hospital several times for non-alcohol related reasons, but whilst there has undergone medicated detox. My wife has support workers for alcohol support but doesn't engage and due to being drunk during their calls, they cannot perform any meaningful assessment of her. I am due to attend counselling sessions recommended by our family doctor and our youngest daughter is also now seeing a therapist as referred to by a social worker. 'The system won't intervene in the home life situation regardless of how bad it is, as they say my wife is an adult and only she can decide her fate. I feel very manipulated, by her, but also by the system, as long as my wife has a roof over her head and someone that's prepared to pick up the phone when she collapses, they don't need to do anything. There is so much more that I could say, but that's the general gist. Just to add that she has no family to support her and any friends she had she either pushed away or they grew tired of her drunkenness and associated behaviour. Any advice would be most welcome.

Your wife is clearly very unwell. If the divorce is to proceed she will need legal representation. Can you afford to pay her solicitor? Would you agree to a litigation loan to be repaid on settlement??
This may be a matter for the official solicitor if she has impaired capacity.
At the end of the day you each need secure and stable housing for yourselves and minor children. Perhaps you could focus your mind on how this could be achieved from the resources you have between you. You may need to start the court process for financial settlement and present the court with a reasonable proposal. If needs be the court can sign papers etc on her behalf.

Hadenoughnow