Just need a bit of guidance

Hi,

So the background. I've been married to my wife for 6 years now but for the last 3 or 4 years we have grown apart. I have been fed lots of lies and whist I am not 100% sure that adultery was involved, I know that I have grounds for unreasonable behaviour.

So I'm here in a loveless marrage which has fallen because I can't trust her 1 tiny bit so for me there is no future.

There are 2 kids involved, one is 8 (not mine biologically) and one coming up to 5 who is mine. We live in a privately rented house and live from hand to mouth pretty much with no savings to speak of etc.

So we have spoken about divorce. She isn't all that keen, but I know that I need to force the issue. We get on fine (but like a housemate relationship rather than being married) so there is no screaming and shouting or breaking plates etc but I know that I'm not happy and if she actually admitted it, she isn't either.

The issue is finding the money to actually split. I currently pay all the bills for the house so I know I could afford to stay put if I wanted, but I feel really bad about making her find somewhere else to go with much less income than mine.

The other issue is the kids of course - and I know it will effect them more than I can imagine, but after many years of keeping quiet, being miserable to keep the peace and stop others from being hurt, I think it's time I stood up and made the move - because I don't wanna be here for the next 20 years.

I'm really writing this to see if anyone else is/has been in the same situation. Most of the topics mention a completely different situation with arguements and much more agressive behaviour.

So I need to know, does this have to go through the courts etc, how much can be done my mutual arrangement etc?

Any advise would be greatfully received.

Hallo and welcome

I am sorry you are feeling miserable.

As far as I understand it, if you and your wife can agree on who lives where, how you are going to look after the children and how to split any assets, then you don't need to go to court.

You can just separate and make your own arrangements, as long as you both agree.

But if you can't agree, the courts will decide and their first priority will be the children.

You say you don't want to force your wife to leave, but if you are to stay in the house she would need somewhere to live and usually she would be the main carer for the children so they'd go too. So she would need at least 2 bedrooms.

I can assure you there is no law which prevents divorcing couples acting in a civilised manner and, for the second time this morning, I wish there were more people who behaved as sensibly as you are doing !

If you have rented accommodation, is this a private tenancy, or is the landlord some public or semi public body like a local authority or housing association ?

I would really like to know the answer to that, because the Court can transfer certain types of tenancy but not others. What you don't want is to be potentially liable for rent arrears on the FMH after you no longer live there.

Mike

Hi,

The house is rented through an letting agent, which comes up in April, at which point we'll probably go our seperate ways.

I dunno. Pretty much all of my money goes into paying the rent, bills, food etc so I would love to be able to move out myself and leave them the bigger place, but that is finacially impossible. Who knows, she may just wanna move out herself and leave us all to it!

It's odd, I feel somewhat responsible to pay for a place for her and the kids (if they go too) even though all this was kinda forced upon me. I guess it doesn't really work like that and I'd just be paying a lump sum each month and she just uses that as required.

I don't want this to get messy, but I don't wanna live in a bedsit for the rest of my days for something that really wasn't my doing.

I guess we just need to thrash out the details. But it's good to know everything can be artranged without the need for courts etc. Does that apply to maintenance payments too?