Help and advice need in a difficult situation

Try and cut a very long story short

Went out to live in Australia 3.5 years ago, found it very difficult to settle, husband and I in early 40s, so even these two problems put a huge strain on the marriage, anyway after lots of discussions we both agreed that I return back to UK and set up home for them to return (have to boys currently in Aus) whilst house in Aus currently on market sells, lived with sister for a month, then just took out a 6 month rental contract on house, and now my husband informs me that he isn't coming back, I don't think he is that settled there, but the children are, of course now that I am on my own I feel a little cheated, but hopefully this break away will make us both realise what is important, all I know is that I can't live without my children, and love my husband immensely but I have to think if I can now make a life for myself in Aus or live alone here in the UK.

My husband and I do love each other, but we do need to refresh and I am concerned that the break away will do more harm than good.

Besides my sister I have no one else here in UK.

Please any advice would be good. Also I don't want to drive a wedge between my husband and I, I do tend to ring, text a lot and sometimes feel I get on his nerves, and maybe he doesn't want to talk, I don't want to lose him what is the best approach in my situation.

Many thanks
Cornered

It sounds very upsetting. I think you need to make sure that you are in constant contact with your children. My uncle from Aus has Skype (it's free) and a webcam. This makes it VERY cheap to call and to maintain good contact with his family around the world. If you have a computer you simply plug in some headphones and the webcam and away you go. I think it will make you and your children feel that there is less distance between you and will help in the interim.
I think to give you any advice you need to let us know how old the children are.

Take care of yourself

Two boys 12 and 15 years old, the eldest likes it very much in Aus and the little one is either way, but decided to keep them together for there best interests, I feel a little let down to be told after coming back and renting a house that they are not returning.

I do keep in touch with my husband, we do love each other, it was just the circumstances, my little one texts and sends photos, but the eldest has not really responded to texts, always an excuse phone number wrong, went swimming and phone got wet, but when I do speak to him on the landline its very yes/no answers.

I just want to know how not to lose them without been a pain in the neck emailing, texting etc, I am taking this time out to reflect and see if I can go back there to live, but I know I can't live without them, so I suppose I have answered my own question, I don't want to go back and be a unhappy mum, but I won't be happy in UK without them and don't want to run the risk of them not letting me return.

Has it stands at the moment, my husband says I can return temporarily whilst I rent somewhere there!!!

I really do feel for you, what an awful situation you find yourself in, so many miles away too!! I really hope you can work this out, even if it means you renting out there & living apart from your hubby awhile. At least you will be with your kids & can work on your marriage from there.
The very best of luck, keep in touch,
Cindy

Went to see a counsellor today, and I quite agree will be going back and if so will rent on my own, but Im hoping a little time and both husband and I will realise what is important, the strain was too much for me at the time, 3.5 years of going around in a circle, we both were, too a very brave woman to jump out and leave her husband and kids, I think whilst in the UK I am putting it to bed in my brain, I breathe in the cold air, love the rain on my face, love the smell of Autumn all the things most people take for granted until you haven't got it. I just need to accept Australia and work out a plan be more assertive and beleive in myself said the counsellor. I am working out now wether I can be happy in Aus, really happy, I can't go back to what it was like before and take my family down with me, but can't be happy without them here.

My husband and I need to laugh, start dating again, 50/50 blame here and re-evaluate our lives, but its hard knowing what men think, because they don't open up very much at all, even though they suffer the same hurt and have the same emotions.

Thanks for your reply, it helps, I just write myself notes all the time, I will get through this and won't be another divorcee, we do have all our lives in front of us, sometimes you can't see the woods for the trees.