I am new to wikivorce and after having a read through some blogs etc i suddenly feel that i am not alone and not abnormal.
These past 4 months have been the worst of my life. I am filing for divorce after only 18 months (when first started) and had been with my partner for 7 years. I have had to go through my 29th birthday and my 2nd year anniversary all the while he has been having a life of riley with his new woman. Makes me sick, especially now that i know the truth.
Our relationship was great. Or so i thought - hindsight is amazing! Both successful career people and he ran his own business which is now doing very well. Had so much in common, laughed all the time, social, lots of lovely holidays and had started to plan for children and buying the 'family' home. Inevitably i was one of those who did everything for him - cooked, cleaned, washed, shopped, organised every social thing, holidays, vet appointments, doctors, dentists etc etc - oh, and worked full time!! I did it becasue i new how hard he was working at his business and i loved him to bits.
Back in April he told me he didn't want children and said it was in my best interest that he leave me. This came out at my best friends wedding! Nice! I was devastated but at the same time very confused as we of course had talked about it pre marriage, he used to talk about what his son or daughter would be like more than i did. Time went by and i said that i wanted him to stay because i felt i wanted him more than children and we would work through it (crazy now looking back as I sooooo what kids!!). He then said he still felt he had to leave…..so I chucked him out. Had no choice and my gut instinct told me there was more to know. And I was right….
After he left I made him come back to be in the house and look after the cats as I just couldn’t be surrounded by ‘our life’ – I felt suffocated, anxious and a complete wreck. I went to stay with my best friend for 2 months. During the beginning I would email him/call him to try and get out of him what the hell this was all about. I was distraught and couldn’t work, eat (managed to sleep simply by my head exhausting me!). He then proceeded to tell me in an email (yep, coward!) that he felt that our sex life was to blame – so not the kids thing! Well I was gobsmacked. Ok, that side of things wasn’t like the movies but it has been 7 years and actually he is the one who has always had hang ups about that department which I had to put up with, because I loved him. He made me feel physically repulsive, an inadequate woman and totally disgusting. He was always one for making snide remarks about my body, small chest, weight (I was only a size 14!) etc and then always say he was joking and that I shouldn’t get so upset! And the strange thing was towards the end he got obsessed with his looks, weight, exercise etc. Forever saying he feels fat, looks fat, that I shouldn’t have let him eat a particular food as he feels fat etc…..at 35 that is quite disturbing…..mid life crisis? Early? Suffering from stress? I thought so.
Anyway, I started to file for divorce against his unreasonable behaviour. Within the end of the 2nd month had asked me to slow down the divorce proceedings as he didn’t know if that was what he wanted – after all the cruel comments, and mental torture I said no. It was the hardest thing because I never wanted to divorce him and loved him with every molecule of my body. He continued to ask several times, protesting that he still loved me but that his head was all over the place. After I came back to the house he moved out and wouldn’t tell me where he was moving to. Strange I thought and asked why he wouldn’t tell me……he just said that we were separated so it doesn’t matter!!!! Most of you have probably guessed why he didn’t tell me – yep, I was blinded by it all!
Eventually I gave in to him and said I would give him another 5 weeks to sort his head out and then it would be make or break. As the weeks went buy and we saw each other every now again as he kept wanting to ‘chat’ etc. He continued to say how good I looked (lost quite a bit of weight) how beautiful I was, loved me, couldn’t imagine a life without me, kissing me, hugging me…. etc etc. Well I thought that come the end of the 5 weeks we would be back together and moving on. Who wouldn’t with all those positive words/actions? Well the ‘D Day’ arrived on Sunday just gone and he came to me and said he wanted more time…..and that he was seeing someone else, sleeping with her etc. Well the blood ran out of my body and I was AGAIN left feeling devastated but this time humiliated as well.
I went back to be with my best friend for a few days and then come Tuesday I was emailing my sister in law…..she told me there was more that I should know…..So, I eventually got hold of him, had him on speaker phone in front of my friends and told him I want the FULL TRUTH.
Now I need to go back a year now…..last June he went to China on business and I suggested him and his colleague go to Hong Kong whilst they were down that way. One night I went out got really drunk (apparently) and kissed a girl. The exchanged phone numbers, he put her as a code name in his phone ‘UKBird’. Come 3 days before Xmas last year he got a text (yep that old chestnut!) from her and I went mad. I swore it was just a kiss and nothing else happened (so who the hell exchanges numbers with someone who lives on the other side of the world after some stupid drunken kiss???) but I believed him and took him back and thought I had to get over it, we had only been married 8 months! So…..here comes the classic bit…..
FULL TRUTH – He has got back in contact with this tart from the other side of the world as he was off back there for business again this July. The met up, had sex (again?? But he said it was the first time…..i don’t believe him but he still couldn’t admit sleeping with her a year ago). Meanwhile I spent my birthday in July in tears whilst he was doing this. She then came over for a ‘holiday’ and in his words, they spent a lot of time together but not everyday (sweet!). Then…..he asked the dreaded question – is she with you now? He said yes!!!! The sad idiot has shipped her over from HK and is living with her 15 mins from my house!!! I mean what kind of woman does that – leaves her job, life etc on other side of the world to be with a married man who is ‘separated’ not fully divorced!!! He clearly promised her the world but still how stupid are they both. During this call he again said he still loved me and that was there any chance that when he has his head straight that we can get back together, saying that people stray all the time and get back together and have a better relationship for it……..
So here I am. Alone, lonely, hating myself, feel humiliated and all the while he has been doing this! He even has told her that he still loves me and apparently she hates it that he talks about me all the time – BUT SHE IS STILL WITH HIM!!! She has no money and substitute/assistant teacher…..the words gold and digger spring to mind.
I gave that man the world, my world. What the hell did I do wrong and how can he give up everything for the whole ‘grass is greener’?? I don’t understand it and never will.
