long story sorry

hi
seven years into my marriage my ex told me he was unfaithful before i married him ,quite a blow but we carried on .
10 years ago my ex started going out with young group from work jis behavior changed towards me . I was already getting depressed he was moody didnt do anything together ,both our fathers died within a short time ,i was in a armed robbery and got pts .
whilst doing counselling i realised he probally no longer loved me .
I caught him twice chatting online tip of iceberg.
he started to behave like someone haing a affair in dec 2005 i over heard a oversation with mistress he then had to come clean ,in total 15 affairs .
I am a catholic gave him a second chance boy what a mistake , he twice went to her telling me he was going ,then despite me starting to have panic attacks he carried on talikg to her.
4 months later i gave him a ultimatium he stayed .
18 months later i asked him to leave as he was still behaving the same.
one year later she was inroduced to the family ,he had never stopped seeing her but was waiting for a reasonable time to make it like they had met again
we went to mediation, he lied about finances he used over 70.000 pounds over 5 years but too expesive to prove .

Affairs dont just happen i started new job he felt i didnt love him anymore we were both to blame for the circumstances that lead up start of breakdown of marraige i had a son with learning problems who needed lots of tim my time.
I am still depressed dont have panic attacks anymore ,but still dont cope .I am working part time cleaning .
still not divorced as no full finacial disclosure but hopefully the end to this will come soon.and I will be divorced and happy.

Welcome to Wikivorce

I am so sorry you have gone through so much stress in the past years. Life is like that sometimes.

However, you will be better off out of a relationship that depended on ultimatums.

My husband went a bit odd about 18 months ago. He'd been getting steadily more badtempered, which I put down to being made redundant and then having a stressful job. It was difficult as he frequently clashed verbally with our elder son (now 16) and ignored younger one (14).

Finally I asked for a separation. We decided to keep together until 16-yr old had done GCSEs, but it was pure hell for me, especially as he informed me that he had another woman (I coaxed this out of him, he didn't volunteer it when I asked for the separation, the coward).

Eventually he moved out in July. His stuff is still here and I am going to shove it all in the garage at the end of the month if he doesn't get rid of it. I want to reclaim my house as mine and redecorate and rearrange it.

He is living 5 minutes away - and the woman he lives with was my 16-yr old'c careers counsellor (she's handed son over to someone else). She is very pally with various teachers at my sons' school and also with parents of the children I work with at another school. Cosy, eh?!

16 year old has refused to go to 6th form or college or do training and is being very picky about finding a job - seems to think they grow on trees.

Fortunately 14 year old is working well at school and being very supportive to me. As his father never paid him much attention, I don't think he's missing him much.

Husband has hardly bothered to see the kids, except to take them to things he was going to anyway, but recently told me that he'd been lectured about having more contact when he was at a dinner party. I can't believe this shallow, insensitive twit is the man I chose to marry.

Anyway, you and I are both well rid, I think.

hi
yes we are both in similar situations you will feel better when his stuff is gone my didnt collect for ages .
the hardest thing i found is your life goes ex's family disappeared friends disappeared.
You would not accept bad behaiour like we've hd from friends but we accept it from partners crazy
deression has made my situation much worse and i will be on tablets for life now as now have cinical. depression ..

now he is gone you will make a recovery and build a better life for you and you children.

It is hard when you are thinking in all the time kind of wasted on what you hoped or thought will be a happy marriage. Mine started to act quite strange also after he was made redundant...but it's strange how all that stress and pain goes away when he spends time with his mates in the pub drinking till 5 am and then coming and swearing at me in front of our little boy! Hopefully all of us will be free of every thing that reminds us of those painful moments and we can live a happy life with our children, that God we deserve!

Best wishes!

I really relate to both the affairs / second chances post. Keep looking through posts and you will gather that you are not alone. Im not as the support I have had on Wiki is enormous. I also relate fully to what I thought was a happy marriage and I was looking forward to a good retirement..not the semi poverty my daughter and myself find ourselves in. Take care Polar