Right, here goes

Taken a while to pluck up the courage to put this down, generally from feeling that i am in the wrong.
Have been married to wife for 7 years and together for 9. I can admit that i have not been the most attendant of hubbies and have lapses of 'selfishness' in respect of me time at home, i do not really have a social life as i am a bit shy and lack confidence.
My parents ended up in divorce and he was an adulturer and I never wanted to be anything like him. I have never strayed and to be honest have never thought about it until most recently.
Story-within 4 months of our son being born i found out that she had had a one night stand. I forgave her and said if it happened again i would leave her, but didn't want to leave her and my son 'alone'. After a couple of years we drifted apart and i focused more attention on my son in the last couple of years, he has recently started primary school, as he had had 'learning difficulties. This year we went away for a weekend (the first in about 4 years) and in the pub in the evening she was flirting with another bloke, to the point of ignoring me completely, she only came back to our hotel after i gave her an ultimatum. I found out in March this year that she had had a two year affair on msn and telephone calls, culminating in the bloke travelling miles to 'meet' her which ended up in a back alley shag, with no protection. she refused to go to the STI clinic so i had to. I kicked her out, but after a couple of days i went to meet her and let her back in to the house. We have been trying to make it work but since that occasion I have been finding it difficult to trust her and am constantly feeling down. She will not go out for a day together but can find the time to go out with her friends.

I am finding it difficult to make the move to divorce for the sake of my son, as its impractical for me to take him on if we split up and i do not feel comfortable with himn being withhis mother.

I feel trapped and used, she says she loves me but i do not believe her.

I don't know what replies to expect, but only feel slightly better after writing this.

Hi Wicksylad. Congrats for posting and welcolm to the forum. You have come to the right place. Many like you on here.

Right. Dont beat yrself up. U never strayed. She did and there is nothing you can do wrong that will make someomne cheat. They do it all by themselvs. So you didnt force her to do this. Dont think this way.

I am not surprised you felt as if you drifted apart. You didnt trust her after she had her fling. Then when you took her back she went and did it again. Classic. This is why adultary is so special. It cant be forgiven (not truly) and most people that take um back end up in trouble again cos once they get away with it they do it again.

If I must chastise you then its becuase you took her back. Thats why you are here btw. Please learn the lesson. Dont take her back again. She is just using you as a base for her asignations.

She dont love you mate. If she did like a wife should then she wouldnt have repeatedly cheated on you. What you have found out is the tip of the iceburg. There is probably loads and loads of others.

But your kid is the most important thing in your life right now. You have to do the right thing by your kid. What ever that is. Hope this helps. C

Hi Wickyslad, welcome to Wikki. I'm sorry you are too are going through this. I'm sure you realise that you cant trust your wife again after all shes put you through. Theres a strong possibility it will happen again as she knows that you find it hard to leave her & her lifes cushy right now because she has a child to you. You mustnt let her feel that its ok to do what she does, there has to be consequences for her actions to stop her in her tracks!!! I hate affairs, my stbx has been having one a long time and i'm currently divorcing him, but at least ive shown him i'm not a 'walk over' anymore!!
I hope you work this out in the best interests of you & your son, but i really dont think you should forgive her easily for this.
Cindy

Welcome to the Wikivorce site.

I am so sorry you are facing such a tough decision. I don't have any answers - and in any case its for you to decide what is best - but we're here for support.

I've been separated from my husband for 3 months and what hurts most is that he's made very little effort to see our teenage sons, and is spending his time with his new partner's younger children.