Another Newbie

Hi, new here and thought I'd introduce myself and share my story.

My ex and I split after being together 12 years, married for 10, 2 children aged 9 and 5 and all was fine to start with until I started to move on and met someone else a few months later. At this point we still lived in the same house (he was saving to move out) so I made sure my new partner didnt come to the house etc. However ex became verbally abusive and started to bring his friends round late at night after the pub and they were verbally abusive. It got to the point were I couldnt take any more and moved out taking our 2 children with me(and yes I know I shouldnt have left the FMH which is jointly owned but at the time I couldnt think what else to do).

Anyway I set up home in rented accomodation and eventually my new partner moved in with us. From the minute I moved out of the FMH my ex has been awkward about everything. He would only see the children if I physically brought them to and collected them from the house even though we only lived 10 mins walk apart, he earnt more money than me but refused for a year to pay child maintenance and my solicitor just kept saying we'll write another letter to his solicitor so in the end I got the CSA to sort it out. Unfortunatley it was all too little too late. He has refused to answer a single letter my solicitor has sent since November last year. I had been telling my ex for months that we couldnt afford to continue to rent place we were renting as it was cost £400 more than the mortgage had etc. and that was before childcare costs which at the time he wasnt contributing anything to. I had explained to him and got my solicitor to write to him explaining that if we couldnt agree on finances I would have to move away to a cheaper area. He continued to ignore letters and as I was also paying over £300 a month towards 2 loans taken out for home improvements I was starting to drown financially even with the help of my partner. To cut a long story short we ended up moving 100 miles away when my partner was given the chance to relocate with his company. Ex still sees the children but again only if we do all the running, even changing our plans when he changes weekends he can see them. However on the plus side the children settled really quickly and are very happy where we are.

He divorced me on the grounds of adultery and the Decree Absolute came through in July (took him 14mths to go from starting to apply to actually filing for absolute).

All thats left to be sorted are the finances (well I say all but its a big all). He still wont reply to anything. I cant afford solicitor any more expecially when we have sent letter after letter to receive nothing back. I am just about to apply for ancillary relief and just finding out exactly how to go about it - I am going to self rep (to begin with anyway) and hoping to get some good advise on here.

Well thats my story, thanks for reading and any advice is warmly welcomed.

Willows, who decided to split? If it was you then obviously he's hurting and everything he has done is just a symptom. Having a BF has just made it worse for him if you still live under the same roof. It's called jealousy, a perfectly natural if destructive emotion.

Hi itma, thanks for replying.

The decision to split was his initially, he told me he no longer loved me, hadnt for quite some time. We tried to work at it but in the end he said his feelings wouldnt change and I guess if I'm honest we had just grown apart. I think you are right in some repect though, I think he is jealous that I have moved on and not fallen apart like I would have 3 or 4 years ago. A lot has happened which has just made me a stronger person.

Hi willows. Welcolm to the site. This is common. But afterall he said he didnt love you anymore. What are you supposed to do? Be a nun? Its ok self repping on AR but remember if he has a barester you will get a tough time in court. I tried self repping on a non mol case and got kicked round the room by her brief. It wernt fun. Anyway hope you are OK. C