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Hi, new to all this. Been married for 14 years. Two beautiful children 12 and 13. Followed X2b around country so he could pursue his career. Am now 300 miles from my family and he has left us. He made me think it was all my fault that he left and even had me believing that we could settle things amicably....ie without expensive solicitors. He stayed in our house, after he told me he was leaving, for almost six months expecting to still share our bed (he soon found himself in the spare room!)Eventually he left telling me he was staying in a squalid bedsit. Two weeks later I found him out. He'd moved straight in with a woman he works with, I confronted him and he admitted it swearing that she was not the cause of our bereak up!
I immediately appointed a solicitor and filed for Divorce which really got to him as he has no money, sponges off his t***t and hated having his control taken away!
Thinking back, he wasn't prepared to try and work at our relationship...why? because she was already on the scene and has been for a lot longer than he will ever admit. My whole married life has been a lie, I cannot trust a thing tht comes out of his mouth anymore as he has told me and the children SO MANY LIES. My son questions everything he says now with 'I hope he's not lying mum'!
He is not the man I fell in love with and married, the grass has always been greener with him - hence the frequent moves due to his job - and now the grass is greener again...until the next time?!.
It has been a year since he told me he was leaving and I have been through every emotion possible and it's all coming around again like a huge carousel - stop I want to get off!

Hallo and welcome

Your story is one that will be familiar to many. I could write some of the script "I never meant to hurt you/I just want to make sure you are all right/we can still be friends..."

I was with my husband, married and unmarried for 31 years. Married 18 years ago, two boys, 16 and 14.

Things weren't great, but he didn't move out when I suggested it. March this year I asked for a separation. He talked about how we could still see our friends together etc but in May I wormed out of him that he had another woman. He'd said he thought it would be a good idea to stay until 16 yr old had done GCSEs, but I think he just wanted to ensure that other woman (who turned out to be my son's careers counsellor, is best friends with my other son's ex-tutor and has friends with children I work with, cosy!) was willing to let him move in with her.

Since he's left he's taken both kids out separately twice or 3 times. I asked them how they felt about everything. 16 year old said his dad was a "tw*t" and 14 year old says he was always moody and grumpy when he was at home - which wasn't often - so he wasn't bothered.

I have gone through the emotional wringer forwards and backwards, but am feeling better as on anti-depressants (16 year old has refused to go to 6th form and is loafing about), seeing a counsellor, and catching up with old friends. Also told husband I couldn't stand the sight of him any more so if he did need to come to the house he would have to let me know so I could be out.

I know I will survive - and I'm enjoying the fact that when he did take younger son out, son complained about how the car was full of sweetie wrappers and drinks cartons, something that husband didn't allow his own kids to do. I know the novelty will wear off one day and husband will have to face up to the fact that he's 53 not 23!

Hi Dorian, welcome to Wikki. I could have wrote a lot of story myself, similar happened to me just over a year ago. My stbx was having an affair for 6 months before i found out, hes been with her another year since then. The lies have been in their thousands, thats what hurt the most! I could never believe a word he said again, its completely over for me, divorce is in the courts now. You will have up & down days just as we all do, but at the end of the day you have to keep going forward. You did the right thing filing for divorce, you may not have wanted it, i didn't, but we cant let them walk all over us! One day you will find someone better & be happy again, it just takes time.
Try to tell yourself that you're well rid of him & that she now has to put with all his annoying habits & lack ofg money etc etc. If he cheated on you then he will do it to her.... but you're free now!!
Cindy

Thankyou for your input, I was really just venting and putting my thoughts down on 'paper'. One thing that I have done right from the start and would recommend to anyone in our situations - keep a diary and note EVERYTHING down. I have even made a note of all the one-off outgoings I have had for the children, the house and the car since he moved out as he has not contributed a penny beyond paying the mortgage (he even cancelled the house insurance without me knowing until I tried to make a claim when the water tank overflowed....isn't that illegal?). I just wish that I never had to set eyes on him ever again, but I have to for the sake of the children. It has taken over a year but I am finally beginning to feel strong again and more like myself. Thank goodness for this website and the wonderful people who contribute to it. THANKYOU!