Will I lose my home and investments?

Hello, i was looking for advice and came accross this site. i registered coz i believe that talking things through with others who have had similar experiences can be the best help of all. Has anyone faced a situation like mine? I was a young widow with 3 small girls. I received a substantial criminal injuries award, which i used to buy the house i've lived in for the past 12 years. I recently started my own business and have invested about 10,000 in that. I have some investments that I tied up in april this year, which will lose a lot if i cash in early. I have had 2 more girls aged 8 and 5. I married their dad 18 months ago. The marraige has broken down. I cant forgive him and he thinks he's done nothing wrong. (Verbal, emotional and physical abuse towards me and my older gils, with a lot of documented evidence) He's refusing to leave, doesnt seem to believe im serious, blames me for everything. Says if i give him 10,000 he,ll go. I've told him he'll get every penny the courts award him (even though it'll be so hard to see him walk away with money that exists because a good man died) He seems to think if he keeps being intimidating i'll raise the money to get rid of him. i'm seeing a solicitor on tuesday, recomended by domesic abuse advisors. I wondered if anyone knows what i should expect?

Hi Laundry,

Your situation is in many ways similar to mine. I was widowed and married again and I too find it hard to see my stbx walk away with money that has all come from my side.

However, this is the law and has to be complied with however unfair we deem it to be.

Settlements are usually based on the length of the marriage which in your case is a short one. However, if you were cohabiting before the marriage this would be taken into consideration.

It is doubtful given the ages of your youngest children that he would receive 50% of your assets. The split would more likely be 70-30 or 60-40 in your favour.

When you say he would go for 10k does this mean he would relinquish all rights to your assets and the family home?

If the answer is yes, then that is a very attractive offer for you and one that you should consider carefully.

If no, it is still worth considering, your sol can advise you. The money could be taken from the final settlement. Given that he has been violent to your children and you I would think it best to try and get him to leave by any means you can. Once he comes to terms with the situation the violence could escalate.

It's also best if you can sort out financial arrangements between yourselves. The court costs can rise to 15k for each party.

It's a sad situation you find yourself in. But, you have come to the right place for advise and support, pop into chat sometime as well. There's always a few in there and it can help when the going gets tough.

Good luck

XXX Fleur XXX

Laundry

What Fleur is saying makes a lot of sense and I hope you won't run away with the idea that I am unsympathetic because my reply is factual and emotionally flat. Believe me, what I went through would make your hair curl, but it is in the past and time heals.

I think your position regarding the house is a strong one, partly because of your contributions, partly because you have dependent children.

There are four ways in which Courts can deal with the family home.

1. It may be transferred outright to one party ; this is not a common order, but it might be done, for example, if the couple own two houses, the husband gets one and the wife the other . Where such an order is made it would be normal for spousal maintenance to be reduced or even cancelled as compensation to the dispossessed spouse.
2. It may be sold and the proceeds divided ; this would be normal if the parties are relatively young, the marriage short and there are no children.
3. One party may buy the other out.
4. Where there are children, their welfare and need for a home is regarded as the most important consideration. It can happen that the Court orders a sale and division of the proceeds, but the sale may be postponed until the children are no longer dependent, and, in exceptional cases, even longer. Those on the site who are solicitors practising family law tell me that this type of order is becoming less common.

Which of these solutions is most appropriate depends entirely on the parties' individual circumstances.

The case law on the issue of cohabitation before marriage seems to suggest that it is the length of the marriage that is most important but contributions before marriage can be taken into account, as was the case in Gojkovic, 1990 1 FLR 140 where a wife received a substantial award based on contributions during cohabitation. Contrast this with Krystman. 1973 1973 3 All ER 247 where the couple were married for 26 years and only lived together for a fortnight ( ! ) and no financial provision was ordered. Mind you I doubt how much value cases of that antiquity are these days.

I think I would caution you against just paying over £10K, unless you do it in such a way as will make it clear that this sum is paid in full settlement, because, if you don't, there is always the possibility of his coming back for more. Ask your solicitor about a Consent Order and (s)he will explain why you need one.

But this is not an exam question, and Fleur's point about costs is well made. I can't comment in detail about likely outcomes without the full facts ( so make sure your solicitor has at least the basic information, because he won't get far without it ) but the more you spend on lawyers, the less there is for the two of you, and your children. It would be sensible to ask your solicitor for a general idea of the costs that could be involved in a contested application for ancillary relief.

You are free to show this reply to your solicitor if you wish. Good luck.

Mike 100468

Hi laundry,
welcome to wiki
I am some one who goes for principal too,I can see how you feel about him benefiting for your bad luck.
But principal can be very expensive,before you realsie it the count escalate and it is something you do not want when you have a young family.How much as it hurts you have to compromise.
You need to give a lot more informations for others to be able to advise you properly,check the thread AR by DL.
take care

Thanks so much to fleur, mike and maria for their advise. I will post more details when i have more time. i feel more prepared for my solicitors appnt now and that can only help!