Help Please....

I am starting to divorce my husband. He is bone idle - refuses to work - I have to bear the responsibilty of everything - fortunately I earn a good salary. we have an 11 year old daughter and he is playing mind games with her to the point where she asked me to get her a counsellor:(

He has had many affairs and my daughter has informed me that she has heard him on the phone to his "ladies" - she has also seen MSN conversations between him and his "ladies". She has informed me today that one night when I was at work a lady came to the house and she heard them "kissing and stuff".

This "man" is now playing mind games with our daughter - whenever she tries to talk to him about her feelings towards him he just says that I have put words into her mouth. My daughter does not want to be around him at all and I really don't know what to do. She says that she only spends time with him because if she does not he will give me grief!! Please help me.........

Hi Lioness,

This is a very difficult situation, does your husband still live in the same home with you and your daughter? If so, there is a good case I think for requesting that he leaves.
If he is seeing your daughter in a different place I would suggest that he doesnt see her alone, because it sounds as though his behaviour is at the least rather inappropriate. Perhaps you could suggest that he sees her under your supervision, or with another person that you trust. And I think you should explain very clearly to your solicitor what has been happening. A warning letter may be all that is needed to discourage him from his silly actions, but if not, then social services may be interested in supervised access. Your childs welbeing is the most important thing here.

I wouldn't stand for that behavior.....bringing strangers into your home. Male or female, makes no odds to me. I don't know how you manage to be comfortable working away, wondering if your home (and you) aren't being violated.

I'm a bit "green" here and perhaps some nice member of this Wikivorce community could advise better than me.....

I would,

Change the locks, barricade the doors and tell him to f*ck off. I Wouldn't allow him any contact with my daughter until he can prove to my complete satisfaction that he is not a carrier of a Sexually Transferable Illness. No way would I allow someone to bring danger to my family.

My own soon-to-be ex wife has herself been rather "free" with her body since she left and the family court determined that she must complete various tests including a sexual health test before she can vary her contact with her children away from the 24/7 order in me and my children's favour.

Whatever we accept thrown at us in life (as adults) is one thing... but when our spouses behaviour affects our children (who do not have the choice) to the point they are asking for a counsellor - means it is time to take immediate action.

You're not supposed to change the locks. There are correct legal proceedures; (non-molestation orders and Occupation orders) and this sounds like you have a strong case.

The Divorce and Ancillary Relief matters will be dealt with within the usual structure; which may take around 18 months to complete. However, this is a more immediate matter - which can be dealt with fairly quickly.

Children being affectively 'silenced' whilst witnessing a sexual act between adults (dad bringing home a lady) is quite sick! And protecting your daughter from witnessing further abuse in this way ought to be a priority.

And Welcome to wiki - lots of good legal and emotional advice here and a good place for a vent.

Sera
x

Hi, I am sorry but I haven't the knowledge to advise you legally in this horrible situation, but just wanted to send you some hugs of support. Try and protect yourself and your daughter from this man and his 'ladies'. It is hard for you, as you have to work, but I hope that you can get something sorted soon.
The people here are so helpful so please keep posting, everyone is here for you.

Sera wrote:

You're not supposed to change the locks. There are correct legal proceedures; (non-molestation orders and Occupation orders) and this sounds like you have a strong case.

I would see this as immediate danger to my child and my "duty of care" would force me to take ALL measures necessary.

Sera, how long and how much does it take and cost to get a Non-Molestation Order/Occupation Order in place?

If you file; the first appointment (meeting in chambers) should be heard within a matter of weeks. How much.... Gawd knows!!!?

You can take emergency measrures; and Courts will sit in emergency.

You can also phone the Police with any immediate concerns (ie: violent or threatening behaviour)

You can ring the number at the top of the page; for half hours free advice.