New member and situation

Hi there mancho

I too am with norfolkguy on this subject . You say your wife deserves to know the truth , well yes she does .
I am not at all surprised your daughter is asking you to come clean , she must be in turmoil worrying about her mum .

Please dont say that its your daughter who will cause the suffering by telling all .

sorry if this is a bit blunt , just that for many people the dishonesty is what hurts so much .
Please think about whats been said here and talk to your wife .

shiny

Just in case it helps...

the adultery makes no real difference to the divorce settlement and it is very common for divorces where the real reason is adultery to be processed under unreasonable behaviour.

ie you can still go ahead with the inexpensive online divorce providing you are in agreement. But you do need her co-operation.

So the owning up is really just a personal / moral thing

Very few marriages end happily. But my husband hurt me a great deal. He had refused to move out when I asked him to when we were finding it intolerable to live together, and said I should move as I was unhappy. But I wouldn't go without the children and I didn't see why they should move too when husband could have moved out more easily.

Anyway he agreed to a separation in March, but we decided he should stay till elder boy had done GCSEs. In May I finally prised out of him what I already knew, that he had someone else. It was still a shock, but what hurt was that he hadn't told me. I had alrady felt our marriage was over and when he said he didn't tell me because he was afraid of how I would react, I thought "what a coward" and "how can this man have known me for 31 years and yet have no idea the sort of person I am?"

He lowered himself so much in my eyes I ended up briefly despising myself for having ever thought he was worth loving.

Your wife is going to be hurt whatever you do and you can't really avoid the pain. Deception is really hurtful - whether your marriage is a sham or not.