Help me....

Im a newbie to this so be gentle, but right now i am in serious need of some advice or words of support!
So I left my husband in February after six years of being suffocated by his family, being in serious debt, losing a baby being the straw that broke the camels back. It was the best thing I ever did and my divorce is currently going through now. I married him when I was 19 and am now 25 and live two hours away from my family after moving away with him only for us to seperate. I have a nice little job here and moving back closer to my family isnt really an option due to finances etc..Ive had to start from scratch again!
Anyway, 8 months on and im feeling incredibly mixed up and my head and heart is all over the place. I have been on a few "dates" and am currently seeing somebody now who I met online, but i feel incredibly needy and clingy and wish I didnt feel like this but i do! Also checking his profile online and seeing that his profile is still active etc..god I sound like a weirdo lol, when weve only been seeing each other for 3 weeks..i know he has every right to at thsi stage but it kills me and i know if i bring it up to him he will run for the hills! I knwo hes not seeing anybody else because he talks to me every night for an hour or so on the phone!! All i want is to be with someone who makes me smile but each time I meet someone I just automatically think im going to mess it up..and I do because I get so panicky about things..also so frightened of getting hurt that i end up hurting myself! I just wondered if I was the only one who feels this way after being with someone everyday for so long. Being divorced suddenly feels like im part of an exclusive club and although I have lots of friends around me, I feel incredibly lonely and wonder if this feeling is ever going to go away. Need some words of support or encouragement...surely this gets better???!!!

Hi Vicky,Welcome to Wiki

Your not alone in your feelings a lot of people have the same feelings as you. The trouble is these might end up scaring your new guy off. Trust is a hard thing to get back once it has been broken and I guess it will ease over time.

Just try and enjoy the new relationship and try to put the demons to the back of your head.

Take care

Phoenix1

Hi Vicky

Yes these feeling are normal, so now you know that, just try and stay calm. It is hard until you feel comfortable in your own skin again.

It is quite frightening at the best of times the start of a new relationship, but when you have been through divorce it takes a while to build up your confidence.

There is nothing more off putting than a needy, clinging person. So, try and be calm, funny and comfortable.

Yes, it does get better in time, but that is what it takes.
Try and treat this relationship a bit more light hearted, if it is meant to be then it will be.
You are still young and have plenty of time to readjust and relive your life.

So just enjoy, be happy and confident. Tell yourself you are a lovely person.

Hope it all goes well for you.

zara

hi I just joined today and going through a divorce, yes im to blame they say (I fell in love wiv someone else) but I would say be yourself give yourself time have a few dates be confident in the person you are and treat new people you meet as experiences, try not to have too many bed partners as I call them as everyone you have takes a little something from you with them when they leave.. all in all though have a good time and just be yourself if they run for the hills then he aint the right one for you. X

Thank you for your messages x

2 things here


You've been in a romantic relationship which led to marriage, and at the time you thought it was forever. So now it isn't you are wanting to replace what is lost in your life. Nothing wrong with that, but slow down. Everyone has needs, but they can be met in different ways. No one person can meet all of any other person's needs.

So try to be more relaxed with this chap. Also don't rely on him to fill your emptiness. Go out with other people, join a club, something you're interested in - films, family history, nature rambles, whatever. That way you will meet people of both sexes who can be friends who will have common interests with you.

This will help you not to rely on just one person, and to take a broader outlook on life.

Get involved with where you are living now, and contact your family by phone, email, text etc, and see if you can fix up some weekend trips to them/have them come to see you.