My life

Hi
I'm writing this and as usual feeling quite isolated as I do sometimes and probably just want to let off steam. I met my lovely husband 10 years ago and he was separated with a 3 and a half year old little girl. My SD's mum has always been very laid back, disorganised etc and had an affair and their marriage dissolved because of that. 10 years down the line with another daughter (her, not me) she has had another affair (this time of a year) and now is buying a new house with new boyfriend, leaving last partner taking sole custody of other child, who doesn't want to see her.
First daughter was away for 5 weeks on holiday with my husband's family (aunt, then grandparents) then we took her away on holiday. Then my husband's ex went away on holiday (without my SD) citing that they "couldn't afford" to take her away and then as soon as she gets back, she's leaving other partner. So technically, she hasn't seen her mum for 12 weeks although there has been one weekend where she has.
I am just sick of this woman in my life, it's all me and my husband (probably me too because of my anger) talk about, other people talk about. It just doesn't seem fair that we can be responsible but get no, or little credit, and I am resentful. If I'm being honest, I didn't expect to become as much of a "mum type figure" as I am now, I'm not particularly great at it, but I do have a close relationship with my SD and of course my husband. We used to have a nice running arrangement where both parties would see my SD regularly so half the time was spent at one place, and half the time at the other. Of course I also see a pattern here with the affairs but I don't see how you can run your life like that when you have two children and leave other people to pick up your mess. We have been caught in the crossfire between two sets of grandparents too and also felt at times that our parenting has been in question, when it is being more levelled at my SD's own mother. My husband also gets bothered when he sees all the fuss being shown because the ex has turned up like last night when she took her to the fair and bought her a burger - we have been simply looking after her and providing her with security and love but that sometimes feels like nothing when she turns up - she's seen her very little like I said. She always complains about having no money when she has left the previous partner in debt and has a new man willing to buy a house with her despite all the history - lucky him. Another new "father type figure" for my SD to get used to and what if this one goes wrong too? I can't even think about that.
I've always been honest with people, I had been single for a long time and went into stepfamily life with not much of a thought because I quite simply love my husband and want to be with him, everything considered. We get so little time now and I just feel like I have no decision in anything, so does he really, and meantime we wait patiently for her to sort herself out with no real idea where she is moving to, and it seems, no rights on anything. She passes messages through to us through SD but my husband has tried several times to get this through to her. It seems to me she is now enjoying some kind of single life and hang any responsibility to her two daughters, and the youngest one is I am sure suffering. We are trying our best to get on with everyone and getting nowhere. There is a separate issue in the fact that my husband did say to me a long time ago that he would have happily had his daughter with us all the time, but I wasn't happy about being a full time mum when she had one already - surely people can understand that one?! We made the decision (or rather didn't make the decision at the time) to have a child of our own, and sometimes I do regret not just having a child together, and being a complete family. The three of us get on really well by the way, there's never been a real issue with that, even though my husband and I secretly long for more time on our own and I am thinking about getting a dog to complete our family instead! Might actually be easier...
Any advice anyone can give me would be appreciated. I'm hoping that you see that I'm a responsible guardian/parent type figure but I am struggling, I'm not perfect but we are providing a stable home for our daughter in spite of her mother's flakiness. I'm also trying to keep myself sane as I am in the throes of a new challenging job which I have taken to improve not only myself, but my financial stability for my little family.

Phew Swampy! Come up for air occassionally girlfriend!

Buy hello and welcome!

Many wiki users are having to cope with the
EX-Factor ....and very typically; where the ex is still interfearing in your relationship; this can have a devastating effect on the wellness of your marriage. Lots of sympathies here for you!

It's like you're married to 'them'. Not good.