Looking for advice

Hi everyone. Hope someone can help me!

My partner is going through a divorce, or attempting to go through a divorce. He had an affair (not with me)and admitted it to his wife who promptly kicked him out and refused to let him see his two little girls aged 3 and 6.

He went to a solicitor who advised him that while things were being sorted out, he should not attempt to get in touch with the kids as this could make relations worse. For several months his solicitor kept trying to get hold of her via her solicitor to no avail.

Then one day we found out she was trying to put their house up for sale. My partner called the estate agency and said he didn't give his permission for the house to be sold. A few weeks after this, he went to the house to try and talk things over with her and found out she had moved out with the kids.

He told his solicitor who said he would try and find out where they were but not til my partner paid £1700 in fees. He hasn't yet paid this bill as the solicitor has done nothing since my partner approached him, no application for contact etc.

My partner received a letter from his ex saying if he sent a phone to her she would turn it on so he could ring the kids. We sent a phone via the redirect she has on the house over two weeks ago but the phone hasn't been turned on at the time she specified.

I'm writing this because my partner, who is a good person and a good father, is very depressed and seems to have lost all hope of seeing his kids. He has missed a birthday and numerous amount of other things. He has no idea what to do. If anyone could please give me some advice, I'd be extremely grateful.

Charleyrogue wrote:

Hi everyone. Hope someone can help me!

Hi Charley, Welcome to wiki! Replies in bold:

My partner is going through a divorce, or attempting to go through a divorce. He had an affair (not with me)and admitted it to his wife who promptly kicked him out and refused to let him see his two little girls aged 3 and 6.

It certainly sounds like his ex is using the kids against him. Many women see the betrayal of vows, and the affair as a mans choice: Having made a choice to destroy the family, having made a choice to be elsewhere (rather than with her and the gilrs).

That's human nature....and he's experiencing the aftershock and consequences she's decided is punishment. She's not right. He's not wrong. But often a woman can't deal with the betrayal; and still see her husband as a nice enough person to be around the kids...

He went to a solicitor who advised him that while things were being sorted out, he should not attempt to get in touch with the kids as this could make relations worse. For several months his solicitor kept trying to get hold of her via her solicitor to no avail.

The solicitor can only send letters; if his ex refuses to acknowledge them; there's little you can do. And I agree that in these circumstances; things are hostile and could get worse whilst ex is still raw.

Then one day we found out she was trying to put their house up for sale. My partner called the estate agency and said he didn't give his permission for the house to be sold. A few weeks after this, he went to the house to try and talk things over with her and found out she had moved out with the kids.

Is your ex's name on the Deed title? If not - then he can register matrimonial home Rights with the Land Registry. This will alert any potential buyers; (via solictors) that the property is in dispute. The Estate Agent will probably not act knowing this.

He told his solicitor who said he would try and find out where they were but not til my partner paid £1700 in fees. He hasn't yet paid this bill as the solicitor has done nothing since my partner approached him, no application for contact etc.

Your solicitor may want this money "on account". It is usual to pay money up-front for work pending. But even if he does find her; what then?
You could probably find her easier yourselves... do the kids attend nursury? school yet?

My partner received a letter from his ex saying if he sent a phone to her she would turn it on so he could ring the kids. We sent a phone via the redirect she has on the house over two weeks ago but the phone hasn't been turned on at the time she specified.

At least there was a little bit of contact! She's still sore, and not leaving it on is yet more punishment. (Of him)

I'm writing this because my partner, who is a good person and a good father, is very depressed and seems to have lost all hope of seeing his kids. He has missed a birthday and numerous amount of other things.

He may well be a good bloke. He may well love his kids. He has had an affair and got booted out; which doesn't make him much good to his wife. He took a risk, he's paying the price. In that area - he's pressed his own self-destruct button.
Often women will cope with many problems; drinking, slobbing around, golf-widows, fishing widows etc...but when it come to other women, that's often the straw that breaks the marriage! (Reality talking here!)

He has no idea what to do. If anyone could please give me some advice, I'd be extremely grateful.

Once he's located his ex; he can go through the legal channels for Contact. Once he's filed for divorce - he can get on with the Ancillary Relief matters; and he can get support through his GP if the depression gets too much.

Many of us have been through the mill, sooner-or-later there comes acceptance and we get better; with support from people here!

Plus he's got your support.