... and I thought marriage was for life

Hi, I just found this site today. Not sure if it'll help but here goes ...

Earlier this year, I told my wife that our marriage was over after she had 'behaved unreasonably'.

The legal process is proving to be agonisingly slow and I've had no success in getting an estimate of what a financial settlement might look like.

I'm middle-aged and don't have as much time as many to rebuild my life and my finances. The hopes I had for a happy mid-life have just vanished ... and what appears likely to replace it doesn't leave me with much hope.

Can anyone offer any help, advice or whatever?

Hi there

welcome to wiki

am so sorry that you find yourself here but you will find lots of help and support .

there are lots of people on this site , me included , wondering just what happened to their dreams . Lots of people here trying to come to terms with their loss and so lots of good advice from others going through the same thing .

what makes it all so much harder is the added uncertainty over money , will i have to go to court ? what will i end up with ? As if dealing with the emotional stuff is not enough !!!!

There is a post on the forum from dl explaining what information you need to supply for people here to give you an idea for a settlement and advice on maintenance etc , the calculator is often wildly out !!!

hope this helps a little

take care

shiny

god isnt life a p i s s e r ......im another mug. blonde size eight *(dont worry not advertising lol) and four kids, two marraiges, one refuge, one open heart surgery and another seven months later aforementioned relationship of the century love etc money gone etc and THEN marraige, and now after seven months only and five months of swearing *by him and shouting towards my angels i threw him out

three days later he slept and went back to his ex (back end of a bus but hey ho) and the HURT
god im thirty six and they just DONT TELL YOU ABOUT THAT now do they

my god it sucker punches you.
even though like you i know that 'itl never work' that 'i must MUST MUST improve my bust....er i mean move on' i CANT
and every morning i imagine HIM with HER of all people

oh 'im the one that he wants' dod do do but whey hey for me ive got bucket loads of self respect and wont have my kids and me degraded but it DOESNT stop the darn HURT does it

why doesnt some medical company find a PILL for it PLEEEASE
im on antidepressants and fought that for months as it was HIS anger HIS bad lauange i dont shout im a happy wappy soul, i love the sunshine, and barefeet, but he sucked it all outa me, and now hes gone, yes ive nice clothes and happy kids but the HURT

sorry im ranting
how does one get over it
ive helped countless women on anothr site who told me and so did men, 'get rid have more respect for you and your kids' and in the end.....i listnened and when i was stupid enough to takeh im back and bask inthe glow of 'his luurve' for one night i listnened again the next morning and pakced him off forever again, but the Hurt doesnt seem to fade

how long has it been for you?
i feel awful saying this, i mean seven months SEVEN PALTRY MONTHS, and for you twenty one years, i dont know wether to say 'well done ' or 'you poor sod' all i can say is, SHE is the loser here, she may not know it may n0t admit it but she is

i cud snap my little piggys and 'have my maan back' i adore him fancy him, but do i respect him NO do i trust him NO do i like him NO do i love him YES but i am TRYING to love myself more

i often say to women like me who have nobody and nothing, 'you will NOT let yourself down, and when you feel cowed and small and gangly and tall hold your arms and love yourself,'

whoever said that was easy
was mad
and i guess i know them well

I think it would be a good idea if when you got married you kept separate money and were told what divorce entailed.

I shared everything with my husband. Our marriage is over. He's just left 31 years with me to move in with another woman and her young children. He has bought a whole stack of trendy young clothes (he's 53) and comes round to rant about our phone bill.

I have a poorlypaid job and am getting various benefits which does nothing for my self-esteem, I never thought I'd be doing this.

Plus the current financial situation makes our prospects in selling our house, pension entitlement etc very scary.

And then there's the emotional pain. 31 years with one person, all gone, and seemingly unvalued by my ex. He is now playing happy families with someone else's children. I am on my own, coping with our teenage sons who are hormonal, confused, aware that their dad prefers to spend his time with other children whilst seemingly outdoing them in partying and being trendy.

Anti-depressants and counselling are helping. But honestly if I'd done my ex in when he told me he had started a relationship with someone else without telling me first, I would probably have done better both financially and emotionally.

Life sucks sometimes,but we have to keep going.