The black hole Syndrome

Hey mate

Reading our post from 4mths ago was like reading my story 8mths ago. She denied it was going on, made me feel like i was going mad for suggesting such a thing, had to leave family home for sake of kids, he is now introduced to the kids and gradually moving in on my life as was. There are three stages to this as I see it: Accepting it, Understanding it and Letting Go.

If the love will ever die I dont know, will we ever understand it completely, again I dont know but we need to accept this has happened and that we cannot do anything about it in terms of looking back and hoping we can get our old lives back.

I have found that I feel strong at times where I can handle anything that is thrown at me and I can be 'normal' again, at other times I feel really hard done by and that I didnt do anything deserve this. Small steps I guess in the recovery process.

Within three weeks last summer I lost my wife, permanent access to my girls, my home, my job and my life as i knew it. We, as humans, are not designed to cope with this amount of loss in a short space of time, however, we do cope and we should be proud of ourselves for getting to where we are today, we should maintain our dignity, self respect and regain our confidence knowing we did NOTHING wrong. Yeah, maybe a wee bit of complacency creeped in, but is that enough to deserve being cheated on etc etc??

Stay as busy as possible, keep fit, do weights/press-ups - makes you feel better (instantly sometimes), talk to friends when you need to. This might seems a strange thing to say but I get strength from feeling stronger ie I've been to hell and back and still here so bring anythng on and I'll deal with it, shows we have inner coping resource we didnt know we had.

It does get better, it gets easier, dont rush yourself or set targets as to when you'll be over it fully, time will establish that.

Take care.

C.

Great post carton, absolutely spot on, the days where you feel strong enough to handle anything become a more frequent thing until eventually , with continued momentum, that`s how you feel all the time.
The love does fade , it takes time and some nasty water has to pass under the bridge to see it but you will become indifferent to someone who was once the love of your life.