Just want to move on...................

Where do I start........ well right now my husband has instructed a solcitor to proceed with a divorce using grounds of unreasonable behaviour on my part. Will not go into full in's and out's but really the marriage was irritrievable due to his unreasonable behaviour. He was convicted for common assault on myself.
I'm happy to agree with him proceeding this way just to move on with life.
On advice I acquired an occupancy and non-molestation order. (We married 18 months ago)We have a young baby together and I have a child from a previous relationship. We have a joint mortgage on our property which we purchased last year (now obviously negative equity of around £15K. Initially he offered in the first solicitor's letter he would maintain the mortgage payments, but promptly closed his bank account. I have since contributed towards the mortgage payments to prevent repossession. Currently on maternity leave.
I would happily try to contact him to try to sort things amicably but feel I would be wasting my time. He controlled our marriage and I could not discuss any matters with him then!
I hope i'm not sounding too muddled!
I have been informed that i will be liable for his credit card debts - which i feel is unfair due to myself having no benefit of what he spent on them. When we were together he worked away during the week and only home at weekends. His money was spent excessively on drink! I also tried so very hard to save money while we were together to pay off the family car in his name. But he was always using me to pay his mobile phone bills and expenses for his car. I have always maintained to pay my way within our relationship.
Just really looking for help with how I go forward?
Ideally would like to stay in family home if at all possible? Any suggestions? Obviously mortgage £900pcm. I can return to my full time job.
Or do I propose he takes over the house and we move out?
Can I ask my solicitor to make proposals to him?
I.e. I pay half the mortgage and he pays the other half in respect of child maintenance? He once implied he would rather we stayed in property in respect of children rather than the property being rented.
Any further questions please fire them back.

I have decided that I want to cut my loses and move on. I financially can not afford to stay within the family home so will initially venture into social housing as a starting point to settle and stable myself and the children. In the aim to change my life by starting at the bottom and working up to the top.
My stbx does not appear to be making any proposals of any sort or acting any further from the initial letter I received from his solicitors nearly two months ago. Its all such a muddle that is not being sorted that i feel best to make my proposals of moving on as quickly as possible. I want to be concentrating on the children not worrying when the house will be repossessed.
I'm happier now he has been gone out of our lifes but feel he is still trying to control things. He used to think that by putting a roof over our heads and providing a nice car would make me happy. All I ever wanted was Love, attention and support from the person I loved. The car and house just material things that could be replaced. Even now I have requested that my beloved old banger be returned so I can leave with what I came in with but he is just making silly excuses and preventing me from doing so.

Hi Bigchanges. Trying to answer both posts. Yours is a short marriage and in short marriage terms you come out with roughly what you went in with. You are only just over the miniumum time to apply for a div. Being one year. Of this was your house before you married you should still keep it.

Will now try and answer relevent questions from both posts.

You say you will go into social housing. It aint that simple. You both have covenent to pay in respect of the mortgage. You cant just hand this over and no one can make you. Not even a Lord bigwig of the duckpond. All the courts can assign is deed transfer. So you cant just hand this mortgage to your STBX. If he agrees to take it on he needs to be able to prove that he can afford it and when the deeds are transfered (you will need some conveyancing) thats it. You can socialise.

But the social housing scheme is not what it was. You cant just walk in and say rehouse me. The social housing stock is zero. And its points and means based and if they found out that you had equity? Guess what? Yep. If you get repos thats different. But you will have to find your own property and depending on means they will help you. But you have to be praticly destitute to get housing help.

If you miss one payment you will get a blackmark on yr credit history. Its best not to miss a single payment. But as long as you are paying something, they generaly dont repo. Also lenders are not supposed to repo property during divorce proceedings. I would try and stay where you are. You are much better off in the future and you have kids. You wont be made homeless.

Generly debt incured after seperation is the responsibilty of the debter. In other words if you run up debt on your joint credit card you have to service it. But, its hard making credit card comps understand this and in practice what happens is that debts are compounded on both sides and are settled as part of ancilory relief proceedings. In other words the debts come out of the pot.

Its good you have a non mol and occy orders. He cant move back in. Did you have a penal options attached to your non mol? Non mols are time limited. They usualy are 6 months or so. The reason is that property has to be recovered from the FMH by the absent person and if you cant go to the property you cant recover property.

As for proposals I would wait for ancilory relief proceedings to start. Its a talking and negotiating shop and is supposed to resolve matters. Making any proposals now may hamper things. Just be cool and wait and see.


I know you want to get on and get over. But you only get one shot at this and you have to do it right. Hope it helped C

Thank you for replying..... very appreciated!!

I can see what you are saying.

The problems I have had is CAB say one thing, my solicitor says another and i'm just very confused and honestly quite scared of it all!

I would love to fight to stay within the house but I just don't know how I can. I know the social housing situation is not great as I was told by a housing department at a council within my area there is over 3500 people awaiting accomodation. The other option is privately renting but as you say black marks caused by missed payments. I have tried to be open and honest with the mortgage company which admittedly the first two people were very understanding and gave as much advice as they possible could but the last person I spoke got very upety. Yes I am jointly responsibly for the mortgage but it is only me that is contributing over half of the mortgage and keeping them informed. It is all worrying me sick. On Maternity pay, WTC will only take the amount I earned while working not an estimated figure in respect of Maternity, Obviously Child benefit but thats it to pay utility bills, food and contribution towards mortgage.

I have offered when transferring the vehicles that my husband's possessions will be within his vehicle. I don't want to be bitter and want to move on. How can you put it put everything to the back of my head.

I'm not sure with regards to any information regarding the orders as my solicitor boo booed in respect of myself attending the hearing. In other words did not receive letter until two days after hearing with a phone call one hour before court hearing wondering where I was? The papers from court have been very delayed.

I was finding my solicitor not explaining things, giving advice and feeling that she was not interested in my interests. Which through my healing process I stood up for myself and informed her to this affect. Which has made her stand up and take notice.

In my proposals regarding the house I have asked he agree that we stay within the home until I find suitable accomodation. What i'd really like to propose is.... hope this makes some sort of sense. Take mortgage £900 pcm - to rent a property exactly the same within my area is around £525pcm - how could I make this work? I pay a rental figure as such he pays the rest until our baby is of certain age?

But then the problem is he really will not agree. Where would I go there? Can this be done in someway?

I hope it doesn't appear that I'm firing back at you as I'm very grateful that you replied. Just hope you can see I feel very stuck. I suppose trying to get it off my chest. My main concern is to have a roof over our heads.

Hi Big,

You will need to post up the answers to the questions here: before anyone can give you an answer as to how finances are sorted:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

Having a baby changes the usual Short-term marriage clause; and the courts have to give priority to the housing needs of the children, and the parent with care.

Thank you for your reply!

I'm 30 and my husband is 39.

Our daughter is 5 months and my son (from a previous relationship) is 9 years old.

At the moment our daughter spends every night with myself.

Married since April 2007 and co-habiting since January 2006.

The marital home was purchased jointly August 2007 before we lived in my rented accomodation. Purchased property for £139,950 now valued between £120-£130k. There was a 5% deposit paid with a clause that if sold within 2 years would have to be repaid.

When I was working I was earning £14.5k per year now on statuory maternity leave since May due to finish in Feb 09.
(Hoping to go into part time work)
My husband earns 32k.

Assets i'm a little confused with - Furniture mostly came from my previous living accomodation.
Except for one item which is on finance solely in my husbands name before we married.

My car which i have owed for over 11 years is valued at around £200-£300.
His vehicle purchased for family valued around £6000 - finance in his name outstanding at around £4700.
His motorbike purchased before we met valued at around £3500.

He has a pension scheme valued at around £11k.
Nil pension for myself.

Credit cards:
£320 outstanding on mine (managable myself)

Husbands - unknown (but at a guess)
One around £1800 the other at around £4000
Both not being paid as he closed his bank account.

Mortgage company and his creditors chasing. Life is a joy!

I feel quite kicked in the teeth as our marriage meant everything to me and I was prepared to work at it anyway possible. His drinking and anger issues made everyones lifes a misery. I don't hate him and if anything wish he would just get help for himself. He lives in denial and I have come to realise there nothing I can do for him. Its upto him to admit it and deal with it. You probably wonder why I was there in the first place but he worked away and I didn't really know the truth.

Hope the above helps and more questions please fire them back!