Since I'm new, thought I'd better give you the full story (so far). Questions are at the end....
Oct 06
Wife tells me that she's not sure if she wants to be married any more. Over next few weeks she spends
a lot of time on her own (time to think she says). She goes on weekends away on her own (she said). Also
start going to Marriage guidance.
During this time she also get's diagonsed with Bi-Polar, so her behaviour gets very erratic.
It kinds of explains a lot about her behaviours over the last couple of years.
Dec 06
Wife says she definitely doesn't want to be married anymore. Official Separation dat 29 Dec.
Also found out at this time that she had been having an affair for 6 months with her boss. I received both
phone calls and letters from 2 of her workmates stating this. Also met her Bosses wife and found that all dates
when our respectives other halves were away on their own tallied up.
Both of us still living in the house, as she asked me to leave and I said no but basically living
separate lives.
Mar 07
She raises an Interim Interdict to have me removed from house. She claims mental and physical torture! Though
states to me privately that it was her solicitors idea and a sure way of having me removed from the house.
Goes to court 2 weeks later and I win (it's very difficult for her to prove something that is a lie).
After winning in court, my solicitor suggests that I may need to move out anyway. He said, if she is unstable
enough to go to court with lies. What will be next? Will she bump into a door and say I hit her. Will she fall
down stairs and say I pushed her? Anyway, solicitor probably right, so I move out.
She say's (but won't put it in writing) that she only wants to stay in house until Jan 09.
Anyway, I move out and start renting a flat. I agree to keep paying the mortgage and House Insurance, though not
any
child maintenance for my 2 boys (the mortgage and Insurance amount to almost 3 times that anyway). I also
agree to keep paying our joint visa debt. These things amount to approx £1200 per month.
Verbally agreed (she always refuses to sign anything) access rights for the boys.They are with me approx 140 nights per year plus some extra added days on top till early evening.
Jan 08
I moved into a bought flat. Surveyed at £20k above what I got it for.
Surveyor said it would be great buy, Hang onto it for a year and make a killing.
July 08
Credit crunch starts to hit. My income in his severley at work and my monthly salary reduced by over £1000 net
per month.
Put my flat on the market for sale (still not had a viewer by 28/10/08).
Meet with my solicitor and he writes letters to her solicitor about changes in circumstances and the need for the ex to to start contributing to the mortgage and visa debt. She (and her solicitor) ignore all letters.
Aug 08
My current outgoings approx £350 per month more than my income and she is continuing to ignore letters etc.
Sep 08
Things are getting desperate. My solicitor sends an offer where she can keep the house.
1. She can keep the house and take on the mortgage. I will pay each month, what I would in child maintenance, towards the visa debt. I estimate it will take 2 years to pay this off.
2. She can keep the house and take on the mortgage and the visa debt. I will pay whatever the CSA says I should
each month.
It should be noted we each have approx £40k equity in the house.
She knows that since I work for a bank, I cannot just stop paying the mortgage as we would go on a bad
credit file and I'd lose my job (and probably never be able get another in Financial services or IT due to this). Same applies to the visa debt - I just can't default on it. The most important thing for me is that I keep my job and am doing all I can
to ensure I don't default on mortgage or visa. I've even stated how important it is for the boys that I keep my job, as if I lose it, I won't be able to provide for them and they are the most important aspect of all of this.
Only proviso on her getting the house, is that she doesn't sell it in the next 5 years, otherwise I get my £40k share.
Oct 08 Still no answer and she keep saying there never will be. Only option appears to be to go to court!!!
Have left her voicemails, txt msgs and email (she refuses to speak to me) detailing her the concerns I have
and how difficult it is for me to cope with the payments as they have been. She just refuses to recognise that
my income has changed and I can't manage any longer, so need things resolved financially.
I've told her eviction seems likely if she doesn't at least help with mortgage and visa debt or agree to some
sort of settlement per the offers made.
My solicitor advised that my starting court proceedings, she could legally delay this by approx 5 months. In the
meantime I'm getting more in debt each month and racking up even more solicitor fees.
Do I have any other options to get her to contribute to the house or visa debt? Or to force a sale?
I've also said that I'm happy for boys to stay with me. Have also made it clear that I will pay child maintenance
at rate per CSA requirements.
Due to her Bi-Polar illness. Boys have stated to me that they have difficulty waking her up at times. Am very concerned that if something happens in the house overnight, they will have no-one to help them. My solicitor advsies it would not be a good move toeven bring this up at all!!
Sorry, long story.
