First Post - feeling strong today

Hi

So this is my first post by way of introduction.

A month ago my husband of 5 year and 8 years together decided that "he could not do this anymore". It was like something had been switched off in his head. We had been seeing a marriage guidance therapist for about 2 years, but at no time during this process would he agree/admit that any part of the problem was to do with him. It was all my fault! Well, you can't work within those confines can you?!

He's moved into the spare room and that's that.

He says no-one else is involved, but a)I found explict e-mails and text messages (He said it was just "fun" however inappropriate) b)the mobile that he used to leave lying around is forever clamped to his person c) he setup a web e-mail account seperate to our usual method d)he's installed instant messenger on his laptop which is now kept in "his room". He really does think I'm stupid doesn't he!!!

Anyway, after much crying until I thought I could cry no more I've achieved the following:
Downloaded petition forms and filled them out (just error checking them before posting)
Started to understand about the financial orders etc (my head hurts!)
Taken my wedding ring off. (A big step for some, but it was an outward sign that we were connected which we are not so it felt like a lie)
Told everyone including people at work!
Applied to change my name by Deed Poll (I can't stand the idea of having the name of someone who doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me)
Written to and then visited his mum and dad to say goodbye (this was a very good thing to do for both of us)
Had a facial and biniki wax

So while I have crappy days, I'm moving forwards.

Looking at this list it appears callous, but I've always been practically minded and getting things done helps me cope.

Sorry for rambling!

xx

That was like reading what my ex wife was doing, the mobile phone, laptop etc etc, and she thought I was stupid to !!

Your get lots of help and guidance here and they are all a good bunch,

By the way you dont sound callous you sound organised and now what you want !

Take care and good luck

Phoenix1

Ps, Do you need me to check they haven't missed a bit on the wax?

Hi there,

Rings bells with me too, the emails, the dating sites the mobile phone messages and pictures...

you need to stay strong and you will have good days and some down days, but remember to put "you" first, i learnt the hard way and spent months self harming and blaming myself even trying to justify his terrible behaviour as being something i had done wrong.

you will find so many nice and helpful people on here,

wishing you all the best for the future

xx

Hi there, my ex also did the same as your hubby, mobile texting & emails, msn dating etc etc. You're doing right moving forwards so fast, he doesnt deserve a wife!!!
Keep in touch & let us know how its going, you will be better off on your own soon knowing he isnt misleading you anymore & lying!!
Cindy

Welcome Carolyn

Action always makes you feel more positive.

My husband used to text his gf pretending it was his rugby team-mates.

Oh and our marriage (18 years wed, 31 years altogether) failed because I was horrible to him. Nothing to do with his selfishness, that while I was doing all the housework and gardening and helping our sons with their homework, and organising our social lives he was just coming home watching tv shouting at the boys and spending weekends with his drinking buddies.

I was so horrible that he was forced to go out and find someone else (except that wasn't his fault either, because she made a play for him!!!) and move in with her.

Now he comes round and says how reasonable I am and its lovely to talk to me what a twerp. I just let him burble on because I don't want a row, but I just get on with what I'm doing while he follows me about. He seems quite hurt when I suggest that he goes.

I really do think some men come from another planet.