new to site. help please

hello, im new to this. here goes.
i seperated from my wife a year ago but lived in the house for 6 months in the house seperately. i saw my son for less than 2 hours everyday then she would go to her mothers. and sometimes she wouldnt let me see him at all as she said she was too busy. now i have left the house and signed everything over to her and her mum. thats what she wanted. so we agreed that i could see my 18 month old son (the only child i have) 3 times a week. when i was at the house and saw him everyday she would go upstairs out of the way. but since ive left, she sits on the sofa watching over us. noy giving me and my son time together. i have asked her to go upstairs as usual but she refuses. so i got a solicitor and made my visiting times legal on a court order, even her solicitor told my solicitor to get a court order for my visits. when seeing my precious time with my son at her house she has made it very difficult for me, saying dont do this and dont do that. i didnt cheat on her and i dont drink or smoke. i complained a few times that i couldnt get to my son because her and her mother where doing everything. i used to bath him, get him up in the morning, feed him, go for walks. i wasnt allowed after a few months to do anything and felt left out. they new this as i told them and they didnt like it. so when we went round her mums i wasnt allowed to feed him or bath him. she said its her mums job. so i felt left out even more. her and her mum are so close it was impossible to get to my son through them. she said she didnt love me anymore and didnt want my new son to have anything to do with me or my family. so thats why i went to court. my ex wouldnt go to mediation, she didnt turn up for the 1st court hearing, so my solicitor ordered a section 7 report. the 2nd hearing my solicitor had a word with my ex before going into the court room to see how we could move this situation forward. i wanted my son with me at my house for 2 hours 3 times a week after work. and i want him at the weekends. she said no my son isnt going to leave her side at all. she said i was mental and unstable. this is a lie as i have no mental problems and i have no trace on the police records. so she wouldnt do anything, saying she has made my son into what he is today and because i didnt do alot at the birth and after, she doesnt see why i should have him now. so after the 2 nd hearing where she said its not law that i have to see my son so no one can make her. so for another 2 weeks i saw my son at her house. then we had a situation where she said i assaulted her(i didnt)i didnt touch her she was the one hitting me. i had my boy in my arms crying and i was asking her i could sort out my son, he fell over and hurt himself. i wanted him to know that if he hurt himself i could comfort him and take care of him anyway, she said i assaulted and asked me to leave. so i did. she called the police and we had a chat. i asked them is this an official chat or will i be arrested. they said no. they just wanted to see what had been done. if i assaulted my ex she would have had me arrested. but as i didnt touch her the police couldnt arrest me. since that day i am only alloewd to see my son at a contact centre for 2 hours every saturday. all tyhe mid week and weekend visits have stopped. so i feel im loosing out. i know i ahd alot of time with my son compared to alot of dads, but she has always maintained that, my son is hers and her mums. she even had her boyfriend at the house on one occasion when i visited. i had only left the house 3 months prior. i didnt see him as he was upstairs but it was uncomfortable for me as i didnt know what could of happened. i dont understand why she let me see that he was there, perhaps she is moving on with her life. but it wasnt very nice for me. i have come to terms with the marriage not working, but i only want to see my son. i love him unconditionaly and he means the world to me. i want us to get back the special bond we have. i want to take him to the shops. i want to take him to the park. i want to bath him. feed him. cloth him. i want to tuck him up at night, and get him out of bed in the morning. i want to take him to see santa claus, i want to do lots of things with him. im not violent, or on drugs. i just want to spend quality time with my son. i have spent thousands in court on solicitors. i have nothing left. i live on my own not far from my son, i want to take him to school, i want to pick him up from school. i know thats a few years off but i want to do it. i want to be the best dad in the world to him. i only wish my ex would let me play a bigger part. cafcass have been involved all along and i had to prove myself to them. i told them my ex doesnt want me to have anything to do with my son. but they didnt listen. my ex can say what she wants about me, but when i think of what i could have told them, like, my ex saying you will never see him again when you leave this house. and youve blown it big time by going to court. it seems a waste of time as i am no further forward getting more access to my wonderful son. why cant dads have just as much time with their children as mums. if i get him during the week for 2 hours 2 or 3 times that will be fantastic. hopefully weekend as well. i dont want every other weekend and nothing during the week. its not fair. i only want to be a dad at the end of the day.

You're just another damn statistic. Pity you can't just get hold of your child and bring him up properly without the influence of yet another abusive female and her mother.

its difficult when all i want to be is a dad to my son. the law should be looked at again. some dads are good fathers,, some mothers are so obbsessed with them owning their children, they forget the childs needs. i want to be a father to my son. and i will. but i have to get the law to tell her that rather than her letting me do what comes naturally. shame.

Its so sad, and daft. If she put her son's needs first she would know that boys need their fathers. It would also be useful for her to have another person willing to babysit, I would have thought.

She seems to be trying to hurt you. Maybe with the passage of time she might mellow a bit, or it might be that her mother is influencing her.

Just keep trying, and one day your son will be old enough to make his own mind up.

I am so sorry for you, and very upset for my sons. They are 14 and 16 and their father can hardly be bothered to contact them at all. He's been gone 4 months (he's 5 minutes drive away) and in that time he's taken 14 year old to play pool twice (in pub so husband can drink with his mates) and to a couple of rugby matches that he was going to anyway. Elder son he's taken to play football once and to buy jeans once.

I know they really need to feel their Dad values them, but his actions say he'd rather be fulltime with new woman and her two children.

Hi

I am so saddened by your story...Fathers are as important for children as mothers are...I can not understand the reasons why some woman behave this way and why the law can't be more equal...It must be such a nightmare for you. You sound like a wonderfull father to your little boy..and I can think of only one reason why she's behaving this way...You said she's very close with her mum and mum looks after your boy....If your wife was the only one around to look after him, she would have been more keen for you to have him more often...Try and speak to her mum, as the father of her grandchild, try to reach to her and make her understand how important it is for you and your son to see each other more often, do the things a father and son should do...If you can get her mum to accept this, your stbx will more likely to accept it too and you'll get to see your son more often...

I am going through a divorce and difficult times myself...My children mean a lot to me and will always encourage them to have the same relationship with their das as before...It's cruelty and injust to both children and the parent.

Hi Chatsworth

A sad story indeed. Don't give up hope - parenthood is forever, mine are in their 20s now and we split when they were 1 and 3 yrs old.

Just keep doing the best you can and don't lose sight of the fact that he is your son. Your wife's claim that he 'belongs' to her and her mother is ridiculous. He doesn't 'belong' to anyone - he is a child. Yours and hers. Are your own family supporting you?

Shezi