Feeling alone, lost & confused

Hi,
I am a married man age 31 going on 32, my wife is a few years older than me and we have a 3 year old daughter. Our relationship has always had it's ups and downs but we've hit a really rock patch lately.

In particular a recent event has caused major issue between us. I worked away for a couple of months and ended up having a one-off encounter with a woman in a hotel. I felt terrible and went home immediately to bare the bad news.

Naturally my wife has been very upset, but I feel I haven't been show much emotion. It has led me to believe our relationship is on it's last legs and that we ought to think about divorce. I guess without going into too much detail, I am not really cut out for relationships - possibly stemming from my family upbringing.

I'm obviously concerned about my daughter, but I would of course support her both financially and as her father emotionally.

I really don't know what to do... I just don't seem to get on with my wife any more. It's like the spark has gone. Is it worth trying to work through this - who knows how long it could take?

I work as a contractor and could be anywhere in the country if I wanted, but would try and be near to my daughter.

We have a house with a shared ownership scheme with a housing association, our mortgage stands at about £85K and the house is probably worth £165000.

I have a leased car I pay monthly for, she has an old car paid for.

We have the usual outgoings but nothing amazing I don't we could split. I would be happy for her to continue living in the house if she wants to, but I could only provide support for my daughter - she'd probably have to seek help for the mortgage, etc.

My earnings vary, but are around £3-4k per month and she has her own little business from home 4-5 days a week which she takes a salary of around £1K per month - so nothing much there.

I am feeling a little confused about all this because I have feelings for my wife and don't like to see her upset, but I'm just not sure about the long term....

I'd love some advice if any of you have had similar experiences.

cheers

hi, you love your wife and your daughter BUT you know you made a mistake.I appreciate you felt guilty and confessed. I wish she could see how many men out there cheat on and on but never have the guts to be honest and confront this.Obviously she is going to be upset maybe because she trusted and had 100% faith in you. you have time to convince her and make it up to her but incase she has seeked Divorce it may still not be over suggest to her counselling or do extra stuff eg send her flowers buy her extra jewllery to show u r sincerly sorry n convince her its never going to happen again.I hope she will see past this to forgive you and you may live together happy again for your daughter and your self.
All the best!

hiya,
she isn't rushing out to get a divorce. we had a counselling session this morning and it was me who felt this is the end. I'm really the one not showing any "get-up-and-go". I feel like I am the one with issues and can't seem to resolve them. I do fantasize about other women, I know I like to "look" at other women. I don't think of nice things to do for the both of us... I'm quite useless really. God. I don't know what to do....

women will come and go.. if your wife still loves you and if she is willing to forgive n forget I would advice you to save your marraige for your daughters sake. Although its not always the right thing to make a marraige work for kids sake, but give it a few more chances. You may build up an understanding with your wife. Younger women may not be as faithful..they may please you for a while..or separate in kindness.

thanks for that, I think you're right you know... we don't have such a dire situation and I'm sure it could be worked on. I might need a bit of "timeout" - clear my head and have another good shot at it.
regards,

ennorab wrote:

hiya,
I do fantasize about other women, I know I like to "look" at other women. I don't think of nice things to do for the both of us... I'm quite useless really. God. I don't know what to do....

Hi ennorab. You shouldnt be feeling this way. The only person you should be having fantasies about is your wife. There is definatly something wrong. No one is that useless. You will need to be very usefull soon. C