Newbie just starting my journey

Hi all

Im Dawn and i separated from my husband of 17 years 6 weeks ago after receiving a phone call telling me he was having an affair with an 18 year old, he's 40.

Things are very hard at the moment. I'm constantly thinking about it, i cant believe that this has happened. We were having a few problems but we never argued and were the best of friends. Our son is fiding it hard and is refusing to see his dad but i hope this will change. I had revolved my life around him and our son and i now feel so isolated. My mother in law has been fantastic, i couldn't have got this far without her but the one person i need the most is the one person i cant have.

I go through stages of total dispair to slight optomism. I think i am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it is over but part of me still wont accept it. I'm getting frustrated with myself that i am letting it get the better of me but i never ever thought it would be as bad as this.

I'm going to the solicitors tomorrow to sort out the financial side of things and to start divorce proceedings. I feel that this is the only way forward now, i cannot move on with my life until i feel secure and know exactly where i stand.

Any advice would be gratefully received and reading the various posts on here have made me realise that im not the only one going through this hell, i thank you all for that.

Hi Dawn

Welcome to Wiki.

Sorry to hear what has happened. There are many here in your position so you are certainly not alone.
This is a new chapter in your life, and be prepared for extreme highs and lows.
6 weeks is incredibly fresh so my only advise is take things slow. Divorce is a very painful process and should not be entered into lightly.
Have you thought about Relate counselling? Even if you do end up still separating it might make the transition easier and less acrimonious. I still have not started the divorce proceedings 9 months later, though I will at some point soon when my head is clearer.

Take care of yourself

Yummy

Hi Dawn. Welcolm to the site. The 1st and most useful phase is acceptence. I can see from what you have said that you are on the way to the 1st phase. Once you get there it gets a bit easier. C

Hi Dawn

Sorry to hear your news. I was married for 23 years and knew my husband for 30 but hoping to get married again next year - so it hasn't put me off!!

But 10 years before I got divorced had a similar thing in my relationshiop but we tried to patch things up - ok for a while but just went wrong again. He found it hard to cope and so did I. So I made the decision to split from him about 18 motnhs ago and now we are divorced. It was right for me and that's what you have to think. It's your life. I am not a selfish person the opposite in fact but sometiems in life you have to battle your way through for yourself.

Think very carefully about this though. Its a hard and cruel process that many of us on here go through . If talking together doesn't help or relate then maybe you need to take this route.

Best of Luck

Mollyx

Dawn,
welcome to wiki.
What you are going through is very normal but in a way made worst as you could not see it coming.
You are lucky to have your mother in law there supporting but be very cautious.SHE is his mother when push comes to shove as any mother will do she will take side(unfortunately things get nasty when it comes to finance).
Use her for emotional support but for any financial dealings be very careful how much you tell her.
take care

Thank you all very much for your replys.

There is no chance of a reconciliation, my husband is besotted with this girl.

I feel better having spoken to the solicitor. Our finances are far from simple, we have a business together and i don't work at present. The solicitor put my mind at ease with regards to the mortgage etc so i'm feeling quite optomistic today, though im certain i'll be down again soon.

Our 14 year son only found out the reason for the split on Friday. I didn't want him finding out but my husband had been parading his prize around our mutual friends, one of which has a daughter that goes to school with our son. I told him rather than him finding out from her at school. He is now refusing to see his Dad which i really didn't want. For the first time they were spending quality time together and my son loved it. I'm hoping he will forgive his Dad soon, he needs him.

I start a new job soon, just 20hrs a week and i'm really looking forward to it. Like most married people i lost all friends and i'm hoping the job will rekindle my social life.

Reading other peoples experiences on here has really helped me and im sure ill keep coming back here for support and help and hopefully to do the same for others.

Dawn I wish you luck. You sound like you are dealing with things very sensibly.
Just a thought. Is your ex having a midlife crisis? He is besotted with his girlfriend now but it may well not last as they are a generation apart. He may want to come back later having realised he has made a mistake. But you need to think what you would want in that situation.
I feel for your son. He is at a sensitive age and the g/f is only a few years older than him. I admire you for trying to keep up his relationship with his dad.
Things are very new for you all hope it works out