Not coping too well

HIya: 26 years married in December, and here I am after being verbally abused by an alcoholic for at least the last 10 years finally instigating divorce proceedings. Problem is, I know its a sob story, but I feel so alone and vulnerable and he keeps telling me how much he loves me and wants to sort this out. I know there is only one way because at the end of the day there is only so much being called a 'whore' and a 'slut' that a person can take. He can be lovely one minute, then like a Jeckyll and Hyde character he changes into this evil abuser that lasts for days on end.

He has already succeeded in getting me to stop the divorce action twice, and clearly this is now costing me loads - that to be honest I can't really afford (who can afford a divorce to be honest).

Anyway, I'm now looking for somewhere to chat to like suffering people, and hopefully gain some support and the strength to get this mess sorted once and for all.

I'm no angel in this - but I will say that anything I've hurled back at him has been in retaliation. He has the ability to provoke me so much that I become like something possessed - then he claims that I'm mad and need to see a doctor.

That is about it in a nutshell. Now then: have I got any friends because I really really need one right now.

Tut.

Hi tut. Sorry to hear your story. But you certainly have got some friends now you're here. You're in the right place to talk about what's going on in your life, there are plenty of us here who can relate to some or all of what you're going thru.

I found that talking to people here really did help, so join in as often as you can or feel the need to.

Take care

Sun
x

Hi Tutti

welcome to wiki

Like you, I was married to an alcoholic, its not living, its mere existence. There are many of us on here who have empathy with your situation - you are not alone.

You need to stay strong, not listen to false hopes and promises he offers you - you know deep down that he wont change whilst he is still drinking.

You have lots of instant friends on here - we will do our best to support, guide and advise you.

Why not pop into chat sometime? Its a great place for support, to vent or for some inane banter.

take Care

Ruby

He stopped drinking for 10 months and all was great, then I got a new job and had to go on a 4 week residential training course. I knew he was drinking again by middle of the first week by the text messages he was sending. It's been downhill since then: that was 7 months ago. Thing is he's still living in the same house: I refuse to move out, even though kids have grown up. Just got one left at home now in last year of Uni. All I get is sob stories about how he has to move to a bed sit and then pay for me to stay here! Plays with my head all the while. Is there some advice on here re solicitors because I'm sure mine's taking the P****. He's had nearly £1000 and done nothing other than send some letters and now he wants more money. I know I asked him to hold the proceedings twice, but it seems like alot of cash. He wants £8 every time I email or phone him. Joker.

Hi T

Think you have to try and be really strong with yourself here and be clear what you need so you can stop your head feeling messed up. Get support from family and friends so you don't have to believe his sob stories. Your children are almost grown now is the time to consider yourself.

But you should also make sure you are clear about how any financial split will go. Your h is unlikely to end up in a bedsit. Understand your complaint about solicitors costs mind you mine cost £15 per call or letter so you could be getting off lightly! Many solicitors do a free half hour. Why not go to several then you will have a good idea of realistic settlement? You can then decide what to do next

Thanks for your advice: having already given solicitor a mint I don't think starting up with another one is an option. He came recommended, being described as a 'pit bull' LOL. Just shan't speak to him more than I have to I reckon.

hey Tut,
You definitely have friends out there, even though you don't know who we are and we probably will never meet but that doesn't matter. We are all through the same thing whether we are male or female.

Hey be strong, you definitely don't deserve to be called names and none of us are angels but when the bad outwieighs the good then it is time to get out.

I suffered from depression most of my adult life because of low self esteem from lack of love and acceptance from my own parents and my husband who dumped me in June after my breast recurrence and depression tried to make me out to be mad too and the one needing pyschiatric help and the one to be blamed for the marriage breakdown and the one who had made no effort which was blatantly untrue.

Stay strong and we are here for you, you are not alone. Send another message to express yourself again when you need to, I promise I will be here and |I will respond. Believe me I know what you are going through even though our circumstances aren't exactly the same.
Take care
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