To name or not to name...?

My husband admitted adultery with a family friend when we split over 7 months ago. To me it was such a bombshell and totally out of the blue after a 10 year marriage. The house is on the market and I am just starting the legal bits with my solicitor.

I am considering naming her - my husband even spelt out the name for me - and wondered what other people out there would advise? Obviously for me it will be a form of revenge to retain my dignity (or will it), but are there any risks in doing so?

Thanks for any words of wisdom that you can share.

How do you retain your dignity? I can't see that it would help to be revengeful (though I can see that you feel it would).

Naming her will make absolutely no difference whatsoever to you getting a divorce or to your financial settlement.

However, if you do name her, I believe she will have to respond, and if she chooses not to, it will just delay your divorce and probably bump up the legal costs.

If your husband has indicated he would accept your petition on the grounds of adultery you don't need to name names. If he hasn't - or even if he has - naming her might make him more antagonistic, which again will just drag everything out and make your solicitor and his solicitor very happy, but not result in much for you.

If you feel like revenge, pick a cushion, imagine its her and thump it. Much safer and will probably feel better.

I may be wrong and someone please correct me if i am but i was under the impression that to divorce someone for adultery it had to be within 6 months of you discovering it.

Naming does absolutely nothing, the only people that will see it is you and your STBX, so what is the point?

Dawn is right, for adultery it has to be within 6 months of discovering it, unless of course your ex is happy to divorce on those grounds, in which case it doesnt matter about time scales.

Im new to this site and Ive found out loads, its worth reading all you can, its all very valuable information

Good luck

I am not naming the woman, what is the point (my initial reaction was that I wanted too, just beacuse I was bitter).....try to keep your head held high. Hope all goes straight forwardly x

My stbx was having an affair with by best friend and is now living with her less than 8 weeks since they were found out.

My first reaction was to name her but what is the point. It would only cost be more money. The people who need to know (ie our friends and her & her hsuband friends) already know and have made their own judgement. Understand they don't have many friends now!

My initial reaction was to name and shame the 'other party', and I can see the satisfaction it would bring. But I'll be damned if I'd pay for it! And I don't think he'd be arsed anyway