Struggling to come to terms with everything

Just a quick note to introduce myself, after being married for 23 years my husband walked out on me a year ago and within two weeks of leaving I had a letter from his solicitor saying he wanted a divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour (I suffer from depression and ocd). He said via a text message he had been unhappy for a long time but had never talked to me about how he felt. I didn't contest it there seemed no point I knew he had made his mind up. A year on I am the one having to leave the marital home he is paying me off my share (I cannot aford to pay him off). I know I have to leave but it is hitting me really hard,I feel he is getting everything he wants. We have three children two away at University and one who is with me aged 16. Hopefully he will live part-time with me and part-time with his Father. How do you ever move on from all of this, I'm really struggling, my soon to be ex will have no contact with me whatsoever. I feel really alone and isolated.

Dear Snowflake, welcome to wiki and so sorry that you feel alone, divorce is not pleasant and you will get lots of support on this site and make some new friends also.

Keep posting and pop into chat if you feel like it where you will get a very warm welcome and can talk about how you are feeling.

Sending you big hugs.

Take care

Saffy x

Hallo Snowflake

You will soon discover as you read round this website, that you are not alone!

I know things are very hard, so you need to be gentle with yourself. Separation and divorce are very like bereavement, you feel shock, disbelief, denial, grief, anger, exhaustion etc. But they are normal feelings.

If you are finding it too awful, you can do several things to feel better.

1. Stop thinking about the home you've lost. Think about the new home you are going to have. (BtW why aren't you selling the marital home and splitting the proceeds between you and husband?)

You still have your children. Life will be different, but it needn't be worse, it could be better.

2. Your local library will have lots of books about the practical and emotional aspects of divorce, empty nest syndrome, women coping with middle age etc.

3. If you still feel overwhelmed with bad feelings, you might benefit from counselling or anti-depressants. I'm doing both of these and they have enabled me to think much more positively and realistically about things.

4. Keep posting here!

Hi Snowflake, so sorry that you are going through this too. Divorce is a lonely path to take but you will find lots of friends here & great advice to help you come to terms with it all. Theres a chatroom too if you feel lonely, you soon get to know people.
I was with my ex 16 years so i can underatand a little of how you must feel. Lean on family & friends & try to make new friends too, it will get better in time.
Cindy