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Hi I have already posted in relationshipd but bad manners prevented me introducing myself. Now having looked about this forum I realise that I am not alone and the support I will get here will help me through this horrendous, life & heart shattering experience. I also hope that I will be able to support others on here. It helps if you know you are not alone.

My situation I have been married 5 years with him for 14 years and the last 3 we moved to our dream home which turned into a prison. On 5th Nov I asked him if he was having an affair..he had started taking care of himself and worrying about how he looked. He admitted he was and my world came tumbling down. I havent slept or eaten for a week. We tried to be adult and talk it through but that just hurt to much, he said he was in love with 2 women, then said he saw me as a mate, then said he was not sexually attractive to me. I could go on but I eventually asked him to leave so we could have space. Tonight he came back to pick up more stuff. He said he needs time to think about what he has done, what he really wants etc. I am feeling stupid for actually letting him take the time.

I want to start living as a single person and only caring for myself but I am finding it so hard. I am up down and manic. Been to doctor got anti-depressants and sleeping tablets. But decided not to take them as I need a clear head.

Thats my story so far. I am just so tired and confused.

Hi Spaniel

so sorry about your story.

I think it is very early days to give yourself any pressure.

I know it sounds like he doesn not know what he wants - but he cheated on you and had you not "caught" him out he might still be at home and carrying on.

be releived at one thing - you know what you are dealing with (regarding the OW)

so maybe time to think about what you want, how you think things could be for YOU.

Give yourself a break and be very very kind to yourself - I remember how I was a couple of weeks after his "announcement" and he denied OW - (caught out later tho)
I was a mess, and was crying all over the place.

so I cannot stress this enough - be gentle with yourslef and dont expect yourself to come up with all the answers just now.

(((take care)))
Jolly:)

You've never been in this position before so its like the first day at school - its all new, unfamiliar and rather scary, and you feel you ought to know what to do, but you don't.

I wouldn't bother with the sleeping tablets, but if you find you are excessively miserable in a week or so, i'd take the antidepressants. I've been taking mine for about 6 weeks now.

My husband (31 years together, 18 married) left in July to live with another woman and her children. I was very upset, although our marriage was finished, that he'd seemingly moved on so quickly. I was shocked and felt panicky. My 16 yr old son returned from holiday with friend and family and announced he wasn't going into 6th form or college and has bummed about doing very little ever since. I was in a state about him too, so despite seeing a women's counsellor (local charity, I pay what I can afford) weekly, I went to GP and got anti-ds as my younger son 14 said that he was fed up with finding me crying all the time.

I've been a bit up and down since, and realise a lot of what I feel isn't just about the end of my marriage (and the relationship I've been in for most of my life) but also about my children growing up and my changing role as a mother as well as hitting the "midlife crisis" etc.

Don't rush into decisions. Takes some time to think about what YOU want. You can't turn back the clock, and you may not be living with your husband any more but you do have to live with yourself, so make it as good as you can.

Hi Spaniel, i'm so sorry that you too are going through this pain. I also know how devastated you must be feeling after finding out his affair, thers nothing worse to deal with. You will be numb & angry right now & asking what you did wrong, but you did nothing to cause him to stray ok? My stbx did the same thing and is living with her now, he still denies it but ive realised he is just a lying, cheating conman. You will get through this, just live a day at a time for now. We are all here to help you through, keep posting,
Cindy