Feeling Lost

Hi All

My wife has recently left me after 12.5 years relationship. Married earlier in the year for 7 months and then she announced that she is unhappy and left home.

I had no Idea and didn't see this coming. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life.

She is enjoying her new life now and doesn't want to look back. I would like joint councelling but cannot get anyway in.

I have had councelling and it helps me see things better but my feelings don't change I just want my wife back. I love her so much.

There are no children involved and she wants financial seperation selling the house 50/50 and no claim on other assets. She earns 2x what I do but we were not supporting each other financially. She has agreed to continue paying her share of the house until it is sold.

Just looking for the best course of action and a way forward as I feel lost and a bit bullied whlst I am at my most vulnerable.

A family friend who is a soliciter has agreed to draw up the agreements to minimise costs etc. But it is on her side of the family.

She has afkedif I can divorce her after 12 months on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour but I cannot see any grounds there as she has just run away from the situation and has told me nobody else is involved.

I don't know what is for the best.

We are still meeting up together and with friends and things are amiacble at the moment.

Just need advice and a path foreward really. I am not angry and don't hate her I am more disappointed that things have come to this.

Don't want any costly mistakes etc.

Sorry to hear about your situation. I know the feeling, I'm going through the same thing at the moment. It's not easy when it comes as such a shock. Time makes things easier, but only slowly. There's loads on this site that are further down the road than we are. Go into chat or keep using the forums. There's always somebody to listen and loads of virtual shoulders to cry on. Being on this site has helped me feel that I'm not alone, even though I don't go into chat that often because I'm to shy being around strangers.
Loof after yourself. Remember that when you feel down, just breath in and out.

best regards,
ck

hone im so sorry youre going through this
you sound a decent man and the sad fact is she is probably a
nice woman very few of us are as we act in relationships
that have come to an end
i dont know what to say but i want to 'shine a light' a few
days ago i cud have waxed lyrical about the progress i was
making i was FULL of s h i t but now i have gone backwards
in a way but i accept that sometimes the path is slower one
week or month than it is another and if we have loved
we do still love no matter the ryme reason or grounds
we just do

so....with my new found shame and wiseness, i will say to you
what someone two weeks ago said to me when my second
marraige ended in tears, no safe bets or surprises there,
and i felt such a failure, i had two weeks of 'progress new
horizons etc' heard his voice and fell at the hurdle
so i do understand the limping along trying to force one foot
infront of the other in the name of moving on and moving up
but still, where our hearts are concernered for me my leg
has a definate limp.

anyway, a light, its ok to still love her and its ok to still
want to be with her to want her no matter what she says she
feels, i think probably you need like me to accept that
EVEN IF you COULD turn the clock back, it would probably NOT
work and not because shes an awful person or you, but because
every lifes situation changes us in some small ireovacable way
and even after monday, come friday, we are not quite the same
as if wednesday and thursday hadnt happened

soemone said to me 'give YOURSELF as much time as is needed'
now if you are in so much pain living is too much, then that
sounds paltry, and impossible, but take it hour by hour, then
day by day and dont look any farther forward than the next
day if thats what you have to do

i wont say 'dont meet up with her, in honesty i can't
sometimes we have to torture ourselves a little more to see
that the mirage of our lover is not the reality and seeing
a little more of that mirage or ghost is a good thing long
term

forgive her. she is as she is. and you gave her so much. You
of course wish this hadnt happened but in a few months or
years you may be pleased this did. i hope so
in the meantime be as my dad said 'your own best friend'

if you hAVE to see her then be aware of limitations
dont make promises
dont over compensate you dont have to you are you and that is
always enough
and dont expect anything more than the obvious
and try to remain a little detatched and see it through a
third observers eyes, so just a little emotional space will
help you step back, and indeed if you do meet up dont have
stars in your eyes, the whole time, ask yourself, if she
needs thsi new life WHY is she meeting you, chances are its
not because she is dying to take you back but because of
something far more cynical so KEEP your wits about you and
remember us women are tricky creatures, we may mean what we
say that minute but two mins later we may totally mean something
else

im sorry but you sound a sweetie
and i try and tell it like it is
give your self all the time in the world
and the world will be there at the end of it
and you will appreciate everything more in the long run
take care

Thanks I do feel sh!t on but I can also take everything life has to throw at me I just need a path foreward and pitfalls to watch out for.

babes pifatlls i know
i wobbled up my path maybe half metere when i realised drun
kenly and on my own what i was 'doing' and loniless is a
killer
specially when youre not 'like that' tho i judge nobody
and i know i cud 'go downtown and 'pull' whey hey# am so lonely
that i cud just do it after a bottle
but actually cudnt
physically cudnt
im still in love with my 'husband' andi wont cheapen the
term
as in yur case
he was a live in boyfriend that i adored *(james bond
with a squint) who after bad temper ithrew out cos my angels
(including a heart one) everyone told me that 'i was doing]
the right thing# and he leapt into bed with his ex
and lives with her now
and is moron is planning to marry her
NUMPTY
anyway
he phoned me after six weeks and i do still care
he just knows 'shes cr a p' but younger and prettier than me
shes blonder then me with NO intelllect
my downfall shud have gon to uni and have self respect
really WISH I DIDNT cos still love him
anyway self respect makes you do the righ thing
kicked him to touch
and tho im 'over him' now
im a woman and im lonely and its like 'hes my hsuband and im
catholic so its ok' tho it isnt im whoring myself no mistake
i havent yet
he says #
he will #'visit me in the next two weeks' *i rejected him
some five times, hard when you still adore them when yu look
ion their eyes, but my kids specially my angel *who wont be
around for long must come first, and i remember that,
they have priority
i am basically sat here
being his ho ho ho
whilst his 'girlfriend'
is his 'wife'

so i need to meet someoen else
fast
as a friend
my friend says
i cant even KISS anyon till next year
and frankly
i need a man
to love me
for now
(*SAD)
otherwise the alternative is
ar worse

no thirds parties here atm

that sounded like an advert
and im SORRY
wasnt meaning that
you will find from my posts i speak the truth
i went to counselling today to be told
you DONT have a mental health problem you have al lthe answers
its like 'i hate him bu still want him and cos i wont chase
him i have to wait for him' or go out with no firends and
meet someoen else

my fourteen year old gas sais she wants to go
in a creche
she leaves school in two years
is NOT retarded
is cared for
has had counselling
but questionned me about my stay in tesco car park

i love her and the angels and DONT HAVE a life
if i go downtown on my three inchers
i encounter old folkds
lovely old ladies and po faced mums
i just need some affection
and im NOT perfect
and this is hard

cos i DONT love him
but im not a ho ho ho
im a woman
and lonely
its HARd isnt it