Don't know what to do

Hi Sillyme

Don't feel sorry for me, am aware that I can come across as a victim refusing the obvious. Family a bit of a mess too so don't want to add really.

Good job I have a sense of humour.

Oh you sound just like I did a few months ago. You are a victim of domestic abuse - no doubt. He can help his actions. He chooses to control you. He chooses not to go to the Drs and seek help - he doesn't see it as a problem. Your family will want to help you - stop putting everyone before yourself and ask for help. Why does he have to hit you before you do something - his behaviour is unacceptable now!

Please, please ring your local refuge and at least have a plan in place for when you need to take action.

Sillyme - if you only knew how common this situation is. If you have time look through some of the threads and you will see our stories are all so similar.

These people will not change without a lot of help - and most of them don't think they have a problem so don't.

I do know that you can only do it when you are ready - if and when you are please post so we can try and support you.

Take very good care of yourself.

SadEyes

HI Sillyme,
SadEyes is right. It feels like you are the only one living with such an awful man but it is so much more common than you think.

The best thing you can do is start thinking about yourself and get out of the marriage as soon as you can. I used to feel sorry for my husband as I really thought I was crap at making tea!!!!But I eventually figured out that he had more problems than I ever will.You have to remember that he CHOOSES to behave in this way, it is not your fault. He is sick. Keep in touch and keep safe. xx

I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be able to do anything in my house without my ex leaning over my shoulder and telling me how I could do it better. Funny he never wanted to do it himself!

I put everyone in front of me - husband, kids, my Mum. Again, once ex had moved on and I had to tell my Mum, far from her being censorious, she said she wished it had happened earlier.

Put yourself first. If its hard, imagiine what you'd say to your best friend if she was in your situation, then be your own best friend.

I am hoping I can repair the damage with my teenage sons, so they realise that women shouldn't be doormats.

Time to stand up!

Hi,
replying with huge empathy cos so similar to me, married an african and basically got duped.... except I have now been separated for two years and only now have the strength to file for divorce and of course as I have the assets in my name he did not contribute anything.... he is entitled to half and my PENSION. The marriage gruelly lasted for 6 years. My advice for you situation is seek advice do a Separation Agreement and find the strength to go. I had to buy a house to live and left the house we rented and paid the deposit for him to rent somewhere else. It was horrific at the time ( mine was abusive both verbal and phys) but I have lived to tell the tale.
besties
kk