I lost my wife to Second Life.

At a difficult time it has been a great help reading about others going through a breakdown in their relationships and how they coped. Lots of useful advice given too.

My circumstances involve my wife of 14 years discovering an online virtual reality game - Second Life. For those who don't know - this a graphical online computer in which you design an animated character on your computer and then walk around an online world. It allows you to go shopping, drive ferrari's, water skiing, hot air ballooning, going to disco's etc and chatting to other characters that you meet along the way - in fact all the things you might wish to do in real life but don't get the opportunity.

I watched, with amusement, over the months as my wife's character got bigger boobs, slimmer waist, longer legs, better hairstyles and a growing ward-robe until it became some form of hollywood starlet. This character of her's attracted a lot of attention from male characters and I think she enjoyed the attention often calling me over to show what other people were doing and saying to her. It appeared harmless enough as she chatted to people from all around the world playing the game.

Then she met a chap and they started going to places together, disco's, shops, horse-riding etc. They 'bought' a house and started filling it with furniture - anyway, to keep things short, my wife started getting obsessed with the game. She would be playing on it when I got home from work and still be playing it at 2.00 in the morning, weekends, first thing in the morning. I watched the internet bills climbing steadily upwards.

We have two children, nine and seven. The evenings would be spent keeping them amused whilst my wife played the game. At weekends, I would be taking them out all day, as she would get annoyed if they were being noisy and disturbed her concentration. After a year of trying to confront her about it, she would just go quiet and refused to discuss it further. Did I consider pulling the plug? - yes I did but knew that it would not solve what was becoming a major problem as I recognized that this was a form of 'escapism' which possibly revealed some more fundamental problems with the marriage.

One day, I stated that the situation could not go on as she was barely speaking to me in the brief coffee breaks between 'sessions' on the computer. She then stated that she had decided that she was not happy with our marriage, wanted a Clean Break and had booked a flight and was flying off to meet her 'online husband' who lived in another country. I am not going to go into details about the complete madness of this situation other than to state, to be honest, that I loved her enough to think that the trip might 'get it out of her system' with reality not quite living up to the fantasy.

Didn't work - at the time of writing, we have split, she has moved into another local property (without broadband !) with the children. I get to see the children on Wednesdays and alternate weekends and they ring every evening. The foreign boyfriend has flown over and is now staying with them spending time looking for local employment (and learning English !)

I have kept the conversation mutual and for the sake of the children who curiously enough see the situation as having two homes to live from with a spread of toys and games between the two properties. I suppose that is one blessing that they are not too upset constantly moving from one place to another. To be honest, my wife and I have got on better since the split.

So I am now in the situation of finding that our entire future has disappeared due to a computer game and coming to terms with righting off the marriage, sorting out a future divorce and whatever else comes along. I suppose that looking back, having children and the demands it brings, put a great strain on the relationship and we became a partnership albeit friendly and the love slowly drained from the marriage and into SecondLife.

So what do I think of social computer sites such as Facebook, Secondlife, MySpace, Runescape? - pure time-wasting, soul destroying escapism! not necessarily by sad lonely individuals as my wife is a very sociable character but certainly a real 21st century problem for the next generation of computer users.

Welcome to wiki Falcon

Heard alot about that game it being your altered ego.Does anyone look like their choosen character i was sent a link to d/l about 18 months ago i spent the whole time walking about with no hair on my head were'nt a game for me.

Such a shame a PC game can ruin so many relationships your not the first you won't be the last, you've split you will now need some support you have found the best place for that being here.

Anything you need to ask post on the forums need a chat or extra support come into chat there is also a legal surgery held in chat every weeknight from 6-8 pm.

Hallo and welcome

Sorry you are also in this mess, but as you said in your post, your wife was seeking a means of escape. The difference in going online as opposed to reading, or watching tv or any other escapist activity, is that you can virtually meet other people. This isn't always a bad thing - the internet has allowed communities like this website to offer support to people who need it - but in your case, its clear your wife was wanting out.

It is a good thing that the children aren't aware of any conflict between you and enjoy having two homes.

I can't offer any advice about the future as I am still unable to imagine mine, after my 31-year relationship finally collapsed earlier this year and I am now coping with two teenage boys

Hi Falcon

sorry to here your story,the internet can be great - a useful tool but sadly can and has helped in the distruction of relationships, mine too being one of them. Mine wasn't an online game but a well known internet site to trace friends or ex's in my case. My ex was contacted by his first girlfriend of 26 yrs ago, 2 weeks after he moved out she moved in with him and they still try to make out it wasn't planned:( I know marriages have their ups and downs and I'm not saying we had the perfect marriage but after nearly 25 yrs together surely it was worth trying to save as I believe we could have sorted out any differences with a bit of honesty from both of us:( It hurts like hell when you know you;re not being given that chance, but life goes on and it gets easier with time (so I'm told)
On the plus side this site has been a lifesaver and offered so much support, it's good to know you're not alone.

Jenny

Hi falcon37

I am sorry to read about what has happened to you. Her escapism was the alternative to real communication with you, she chose it, so at the time she must have wanted it. If it was a cry for help, then there was obviously a communication breakdown, but unless that is communicated to us we are anaware.
The only thing I can say that might make you feel remotely better is that the real alternative she got, is not the fabricated one on line. Sure she has a relationship with someone else, but on the plus side this relationship was based on very unreal extras to make it seem better than what she already had or will indeed be getting. I am almost certain that in time reality will come back into play. The grass on the other side is green, just a different shade.
I wish you the best in your different future.


Wiki is real people too but is here for support from friends and to give support back if you wish. A welcome to you if you choose to stay.

Hi Falcon,

Dont know about "second life" but my s2bx was heavily involved with facebook, I was really distresed when I saw his conversations on it(on-line sex etc). The fact that she is outgoing also matches my x. They dont seem to be satisfied with what they have at home.

Well now its your turn to move on and find your way . Its not the end,Its the beginning. Think of all the things you can do now that you have gone without during your time with her. Dont even think about taking her back. We marry these people, put our trust in them and they burn us. For some reason some people make the rules of partnership up as they go along expecting us to be here for their convenience, but you are worth more than that Falcon so let her go in your mind and heart. Find solace here at wiki and keep on talking to us,

big hugs hun, debs

Your situation is becoming more common:
www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology...orld-heartbreak.html