Still in shock over the whole thing really

My heart goes out to you milou!

I'm new to all of this as well, I can only say hang in there as I'm sure it will work out in the end, or as my mum used to say "It'll all come out in the wash" ... The guys on here are fantastic and I'm sure you will find some great advice and support.

Take care.

Hi milou,
just want to welcome you.Bad mouthing about x2b is very common.It is a away of justifying themslves to the outside world but when you have not done anything wrong there is no need for it.The truth will eventually come out.
You will get your life back but she will have to live with the consequences of her actions for the rest of her life ,I am sure with regret.
take care,pop in chat when you need to vent.
have you done anthing about your joint account yet?

Hello milou,

Just wanted to welcome you to wiki and say there are so many of us here trying to dealing with our ex's adultery.

It is so difficult to come to terms with the fact that the person you loved with your life has lied and deceived you. All I can say is once the shock starts to ease you will be able to focus and do what you need to do. Until that time take care of yourself and take one day at a time, one step at a time and protect yourself and your children.

Love

Poppie xx

Thanks again for all the messages of support. It is amazing what a difference it makes to know that I am not the only one going through this (which is how I was feeling before posting here).

As far as the joint bank account goes, when I first left we were both using it as normal (or to be precise I was taking as little as possible to ensure the direct debits got paid and my s2bx was carrying on as normal taking out what ever she felt like), once the money ran out I had to transfer some money from the tax account again to cover the remaining direct debits. At least I managed to get her to sign a letter having her access removed from the business accounts before she decided to start getting uncooperative with me.

I had suggested we both open an account in our own names a few months ago (before I knew what she was doing behind my back) to try and get us to a point where we could just use the joint account for direct debits and share the rest into our own accounts to try and get the money managed a bit better.

So when I last got paid I moved all the direct debits to my own account and didn't put anything into the joint account, so that is now sitting at its overdraft limit.

I then transferred what I could afford to pay her for the month into her own account (this was not much, but the fact that she isn't complaining as much as I thought she would makes me feel she must have been stashing some away). This has enabled me to put some tax away that I know cannot now be touched. I'm going to have to put alot away each month in order to have enough when the time comes to pay it, but at least I have a chance of doing that now. (and I certainly wouldn't have had this chance had we still been together, which we may have been had I not discovered about her secret affair thanks to facebook).

Milou,

That's great, you are taking control practically. The emotional stuff can be dealt with later.

You must have gained some strength from your actions with the finances?

I know I did. My STBX is still spending his recent loan on gallivanting abroad with his OW (money taken out in his name to buy a car but still not bought). Not my problem practically but it still hurts.

I continue to do all that I can practically to put the mess right.

Duck

Hi Duck,

Thanks for that.

I was lucky that I had some close family members who kicked me into action to ensure I sorted the bank out. Without them I may still have been procrastinating over it.

Good luck to you putting your mess right - it is so awful that people can be so self centred to even be able to make someone have to be in this horrible situation.

Best
Milou (it seems strange using a made up name, but I guess I will get used to it soon enough - and that is the first time a smile has come to my lips in a long time)

marriaa wrote:

Bad mouthing about x2b is very common.It is a away of justifying themslves to the outside world ......

...The truth will eventually come out.

Usually the wrong-doer (the adulterer) needs to be projecting their behaviour onto their spouse.

My ex has bad-mouthed me for 15 months now. After one year people have seen me in social circles. They liked me during marriage; and they don't like me any less now we're divorced. It's about keeping a dinified silence. Sooner or later friends look on and think "we don't believe that about Sera"

Ex has pressed his own self-destruct button and they can see that. People are not stupid; and very few of them believe his lies.