what to do with cheating wife

Hi, am so sorry to hear of your hurtful situation. Have to agree with Marshy on this one. My husband of 23yrs kept leaving me and coming home, stating no one else was involved. After two months of this, he told me he had been having an affair for 7 months. His other woman was living with someone (she also had 5 children from previous marriages). Her partner was/is not aware of her sordid affair with my husband, and I have no desire to tell him. The reason being I don't feel it would get me anywhere, make me feel any better, in fact,because of the children involved, I would feel worse. My stbx told me he loved her, then a few weeks after he admitted that he loved the attention, but that the situation was actually like a fantasy.
The decision is, of course, yours, but give it some time and think deeply before you do anything at all. The truth will always come out eventually - I waited for months.
Think of yourself and do positive things for you, your life is important now.

I must admit that some of the comments have swayed me from finding this man's wife for now. I'm still determined to collect the evidence (I'm surprised at how careless she's getting or must just think that I'm stupid). This may sound odd but for the moment I'll leave them to their sordid game. Interesting comments about focussing on yourself and trying to move forward. I seem to be getting a lot of these. I am trying but its not easy with the wife asking to decide if I want to buy her out of the family home or vice versa. I really want to move out, get away from her and find my own place. I couldn't stay in the house, too many painful memories. The other thing is we all work for he same company although in different departments. I'm sure if this came out at work it wouldn't do either of them any favours and I'm wondering if he (being the senior director) is putting pressure on her to keep it quiet for now. Work is difficult with uncertainty around job securities etc.

Hi

Having an affair is one thing, but to then deny anything is going on when your partner is asking you outright is quite another. Why is she doing this? Surely if its love and both of them have confirmed this and are convinced their respective marriages are over she would sit down and tell you? It sounds to me that there is some denial. Perhaps your wife's lover is trying to keep it under wraps. Why? Does he really love her? You say he is married. How many men leave their wives for an office affair? Not many when push comes to shove. Even if they do, how many go back? A large percentage.

This is a long shot, but I reckon this "other man" is enjoying the feeling of having another man's wife. He has yet to experience the true pain a split from his wife (and kids?) will cause, the trauma of divorce, the financial loss and (perhaps) the ups and downs of step kids? At the moment its an affair - exciting, illicit, passionate, sexy, horny, thrilling. Its not about bad hair days, cleaning up someone's mess, grumpy Sunday mornings, Christmas at the in-laws.

Your wife? She may well have temporarily lost her marbles. Yes its called falling in love (or rather lust). She is not thinking straight. She cannot think logically or rationally because her body is flooded with the love drug. It happens. But love is not a feeling. It's something you do!

Do you love your wife still? Has your marriage just lost its spark? I would encourage you to consider a trial separation and some marriage guidance therapy.

Talk to your wife. One should never leave a marriage for another, newer, more exciting partner. One should leave a marriage only because its wrong.

LL

similar to my own situation, my wife denied having an affair but 'truth will out' and she was. I intercepted texts when i coud find her phone, (always hidden) searched the internet and historical newspaper cuttings, electrol registers, her face book, friends reunited to find out as much as i could about her bloke. I was so determined to save my marriage I would do anything within reason to do so. In the end my wife was so desperate that his wife should find out about their affair she asked her friend to ring his wife up at her workplace to tell her, saved me a job anyway. This backfired on her and was dumped just before Christmas last year. to cut a long storey short i tried to reconcilate our marriage afterwards, i thought there was something to save but there wasn't, i tried until last May but it turned out she was still seeing him. So, it doesn't really matter if you or someone tells her, at the end of the day its all about you now, its time to move on, to find your happyness doing what No.1 wants to do - I'm happier now - its the best thing that has happened in my marriage (other than fathering 3 beautiful and handsom kids. Thats another storey!!)

My wife definitely doesn't want counselling as "it's not her thing". She hasn't been honest about the reasons for our separation and for the moment is too busy enjoying her time with her "soul mate". Thanks to all for the post. Its been of great help and I'll feel motivated to focus more on myself.

dunnowaht08 wrote:

My wife definitely doesn't want counselling as "it's not her thing". She hasn't been honest about the reasons for our separation and for the moment is too busy enjoying her time with her "soul mate". Thanks to all for the post. Its been of great help and I'll feel motivated to focus more on myself.

I haven't read whether or not you have any children. Perhaps I missed it somewhere.

If you do have kids,I'd watch your back.

One day you may have one of those "adult" conversations about how it would be a good thing for you to leave the MH and separate properly leaving your missus in the financial driving seat.

Don't get yourself into any explosive arguments with her, don't give her any excuse to accuse you of any impropriety.

No one will believe you, everyone will feel sorry for your wife.

Good luck

Definatley do not tell the "wife", its not her fault. BUT, if you left the house and some people at work questioned why the split, who are you to keep their sordid affair secret? Director or not!!!!

Good Luck, chin up, i'm sure you deserve better. The biggest revenge you can ever give out is holding your head high. I suspect director lover will not leave his family and your wife will be left on her own!!