what to do with cheating wife

Been married for ten years and 8 months ago found text messages between the wife and work colleague had been sending to each other. She denied there was anything happening and that they were very good mates and talk about anything. She felt I had betrayed her trust and suggestted we have a separation- obviously living in the same house. We've been in limbo and I thought she just wanted to find herself (her words) and she started going out more and spending time with her workfriends, occassionally crashing out at friends and it was easier to drink and not worry about getting a taxi back etc. I've recently seem messages which suggest that its anything but a platonic relationship- there are declarations of love and how much she loves him etc. Did I mention that he is married with kids? I have confronted her with this info- as I can see her twistig this round and want to get solid. I feel the situation is lost and its only right that this guys wife know what is going? No quite an introduce more a case of letting it out.
Any thoughts as I'm "pissed off" and very hurt.

I'd tell his wife. Maybe some platonic solitude there for the both of you. She has a moral right to know her husband is unfaithful.

Hi Dun and welcome to Wiki

I know exactly how you feel, very similar to my story., husband having an affair with work colleague.

This is all very new for you, especially as you are still living together so you haven't been able to step back from the situation and assess things. I know one of the emotions you go through is wanting revenge, but I really don't think it would be a good idea for you to tell his wife, I'm sure she'll find out soon enough. It won't make you feel any better (worse if anything) and all it'll do is cause even more hurt for another innocent person.

Believe me I've thought of revenge but have decided instead to put all my energy into me and my future.

I'm sorry I can't be of any practical help, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

Take care of yourself

Roo x

Hi Dunno

Don't do anything whilst you're smarting, leave it a while.

I contacted 'the other woman's' partner. I tracked him down but lost my nerve at first. I didn't want 'revenge', I just wanted to know if I was the last to know. I left it for another 2 weeks during which time I did some soul searching. I didn't really know what to say when he answered the phone but I was clear-headed. I just told him the facts, and what my husband had led me to believe. I didn't exaggerate or swear, I remember apologising to him actually.

I felt sick afterwards, he sounded like a really nice guy and was unaware of what was going on. Equally, I felt as though a large weight had been lifted. I felt sorry for us both, but at the end of the day, I figured that people should not mess around with marriages if they can't handle the consequences. Hopefully she learned her lesson after he came home unexpectedly from working away and she had to explain why she'd been participating in inappropriate texting. She will think twice next time.

It a difficult one. A part of me would want "good" friends to tell me if there was something going on. Okay i don't know the wife and revenge is part of my motive. If he was that much in love why hasn't he told his wife.

Hi Dunno,
Sorry to hear your situation.Nearly identical to mine. Married 9 years with two small children and 8 months ago found husband had been having an affair at work. He admitted it straight away so at least I didn't have to deal with the unknown like you are.

I don't suppose he will have told his wife as probably not what he wants in the REAL world. My stbx said he did it for the attention he got from her and the minute it all came out he never saw her again and left his job!!! I doubt love is really involved, it is loving the excitement and attention.

I hope you will soon get some answers as it is awful not knowing the truth, either way.
Take care
Trudy

I wouldnt tell his wife. You have no idea what she will do. And if she did something nasty that would be on your hands. I know you want revenge but you will feel empty in side once its done. She may not believe you. Your soon to be ex may find out and she could turn nasty. He may do all sorts of things to you. Best leave it.

She may know about it. And she may contact you. Be ready.

Concentrate on you. Get this women out your life, hold your head up. Dont mess with other peoples lives like these 2 have.

When my ex wife had an affair and I found out, I didnt contact his wife. Well I did but not until there divorce was in progress. Then I went to court for her and was a witness in her ancilory relief proceedings. I gave her evidence and bank acount details etc. This is a positive way to help. And I got my own revenge in 2 ways. I helped her in a positive way and I left the 2 of them together. Result. C