Scared and alone

I know my story will probably be just another story, but at the present moment i am still hurting over my separation.
I had been married to my husband for twenty years, we had, what i thought was a beautiful married until he decided two start an affair with a much younger women. Although I knew he was having the affair, I begged him to stay with his family and tried hard to keep my family together, We have two boys, ages eight and nine and after waiting ten years to conceive and have them, I wasn't prepared to give up without a fight. I failed and he walked out on us last December.

We had been living aboard with his job for three years and last June, I found out about the affair, I was totally devastated, as the reason he gave me for having the affair was that I didn't pay him enough attention and he didn't like my past- please bear in mind, he is talking about when I was a fourteen year old girl, with very low self esteem. I am 43 now. I didn't know what to do, I was left in a country by myself with two children, he contuined to pay the bills for awhile, but eventually stopped. With a mountain of debts piling on me, and no communication from him, I decided to return to England. Thankfully, we had a house in the UK and the tenants were moving out at the time I wanted to return.

I am now back with my two boys and we are trying to live as normal as we can. The boys have settled back into school and I have returned to studying. He sees the boys once a month and does not make any other communication for the rest of the month. Financially, I am struggling because he says he has to pay for debts and has his new life to finance. this has forced me to seek legal advice and I have recently found a solicitor aboard who has managed to secure a maintenance payment.

I think what hurts the most, is that we were always able to talk about things that were bothering us, and I always considered my husband to be my best friend. Now he refuses to have any dealings with me other than to speak about him collecting the children- and this is done via email.

He has mentioned divorce a few times and I am waiting for the papers. I am finding things diffcult and don't have many friends who I can talk to about my situation.
It's good to have a forum like this one!

TeresaG

Hi Teresa and welcome to wiki

I read your story and I feel for you right now. Separation and divorce is an emotional rollercoaster and we all feel scared and alone sometimes. I know I do. You have come to the right place to share your thoughts and feeling with the rest of the wiki community who do understand and sympathise with your situation. I have found lots of help and support from theses people and made a few friends along the way. Im sure you will find help here too.

If you need to talk to people in the same situation try the wiki chat room lots of help and support there.

Keep posting! We will keep reading.

Ivory X

Hi Theresa

My wife refuses to talk to me on any issues of our divorcr the reasons for it, she will only speak to me on matters of house and children but has to push herself to do this. Right from the off she has lied to me and she has changed into someone I do not recognise, and she blames me for everything and cites my behaviour (which is frustration at worst) as dispicable, unreasonable etc. It is hard to take as you said, they were your best friend, they would confide everything in you and now theyeep it all from you. I don't know the answers as to how to move on, or if and when, but your not alone

Hi Teresa,

Welcome to wiki, and you are now not alone.

Wiki will be a great support for you, there is usually someone around 24/7. So if you feel alone, log on, go into chat, they are a friendly bunch and will try and help as much as possible to answer any questions, or just try and cheer you up.

I wonder where these people keep their 'switches' the ones that turn them into a stranger !!! It is as though you never knew them at all. It is devasting, someone you thought you knew and trusted, turns into a cheating lying monster.

Have you been to see a solicitor yet, just to get an idea of what you would expect from any divorce settlement.

All those years trying for children and they he b*****s off.

You could go and seek advice from the CAB concernign your debts. They would be able to point you in the right direction.

Take care, keep posting, and remember you are not alone now. You have wiki friends:)

zara

Teresa

Sadly, yours is a not uncommon story. I was with my husband for 31 years which he seems to have said goodbye to without a backward glance.

He's now living with a younger woman and her two children and doesn't understand why his own sons don't jump with excitement when he comes round. They clearly see he's chosen to be with other children than them. 16 year old has responded by leaving 6th form and lolling around at home, which is very depressing for me.

It does make you wonder who you've been living with all those years.

Why wait for him to divorce you - why don't you take the initiative? Or are you wanting him to pay the costs? He may decide its cheaper not to bother with a divorce.

Hi Teresa, i'm so sorry you are going through this, how awful for him to just walk out on you & your two boys. I understand what you mean about losing your best friend, i felt that way too, but now i realise that he changed, he isnt my best friend anymore & i need to make new ones.
We are here for you, keep posting, it will get better in time,
Cindy