I doesn't end with divorce

I am nearly 50 worked hard all my life, I have three daughters 23, 20, 18, I put up with numerous "affairs" and bullying from my wife till children were grown up (albeit the youngest was only 16 at the time)then finally stood up for myself and applied for Divorce,

Was granted Nisi in November 07 and have since endured 12 months of arguments and stress. I have been left with a massive outstanding mortgage, and with house values taking a dive negative equity, Spousal maintenance, My youngest daughter still lives at the family home with me, and the ex is still arguing about how much of my pension she will take.

After having been used and abused for 25 years of marriage nothing has changed and this woman is still using me and making mine and my childrens lives a complete misery but now it is with the authority of the courts.

I am stil working 60 hours a week she has reduced her hours to 15 on advice from her solicitors, and does not need to work further as I must continue to keep her in life style I could not afford when we were married! but the courts feel this is just

I have desperately tried not to become bitter about the situation but at each turn I feel I am the one being punished

I dont know any answers I just wanted to let you know that this is a great website for support and everyone is keen to help and offer advice. Just hand in there and surely your solicitor could offer you advice/support on the issue
Take care

Hi Bob

Welcome to wiki,

Is there any reason that you could not at least try and sell the property, as there are only two of you? This could reduce the mortgage. 6 months mortgage holiday is always worth a try too.

Is there a court order? Does it state what is to happen with the FMH?

Where does your ex live now?

Some women unfortunately seem to think that it is their god given right to carry on controlling, abusing and bleeding dry an ex, just because they were once married to them!!!!!

I know my husband (ex walked out and left him with the kids 5 years ago) has had real trouble trying to move on with his life AND YOU ARE RIGHT, THE COURTS SEEM TO GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!

Can you get to see a financial advisor, at least you might be able to work out some way to releive the financial position for you.

Is your youngest daughter in full time education, if she is your ex should be contributing towards this.

zara

Hi Bob. I feel for you. I am 53. When this started I was 50 and I thought to myself "what will happen to me?" But it turned out ok. I lost my home,my family and my wife to someone else. I also had to remortgage to pay my ex off to the tune of 30K and I had all my court and legal costs to pay. My ex just payed for hers out of the money I gave her. She spirited money away for years and years. While I gave all I had to the family.

But I managed to start again. I bought my home nov 2006 when prices were high and now I am in negative equity and I cant realy afford to stay there much longer. But you have your kids and you still have your home. And this will be over one day. I just learned a couple of weeks ago that the job I have heald for 17 years is finishing. So I will be out of work next year lol. Can it get any worse? I am not bitter. Mate life happens. And any problem you have is an opertunity to excel. Just keep your chin up and keep going. Working all these hours at our age mate isnt right. But its what we have to do to keep going. Life is just crap sometimes. But you have to laugh at it sometimes. Bon Chance. C

Ill be honest I would go on the dole for a few months, sell the house, watch her squirm and laugh as she weeps with worry. sorry but hey no more nice guy eh? not just for you but others a court can order you to pay costs but not to work if you arent earning then she cant have it. Im lucky Im a contractor in IT so I can strat on and off contract which is exactly what I intend to do. best of luck mate just make sure whatever you do is best for yourself. but as I said she what get nothjing from me, I would pay a while then stop in fact i would rather go to prison than pay in your case.

Pete

What I find the most frustrating is that the courts are openly biased, we have been through court to FDR stage but at no time has she completed her form E, even now it is incomplete 16 months after it should have been submitted, Now I have to resubmit and update all my information again prior to the Consent Order being approved, this approval has been postponed twice because she will not complete relevant financial information and the court grants her time to complete then she complains that my information will be out of date and requests that I submit updated details.
Her SOL has openly stated she has advised her to withhold this information and states " It is common and normal practice with legal aid to prevaricate and prolong proceedings until the other side finaly caves in" All this and the judge just states until all information is provided the consent order can not and will not be approved.

Hi bob, I have to say your situation makes me ashamed to be a woman. I hope it doesn't put you off us for life.

I cant understand people who want divorce to drag on. I am settling for house, none of his pension or inheritence. maintainence until youngest is 16 (5 years time). I really only want what is fair. Although when I am feeling bitter about his many affairs I wish he could suffer untold misery and hardship.

keep posting bob , debs