I doesn't end with divorce

Marshy_ wrote:

Hi Bob. I feel for you. I am 53. When this started I was 50


Life begins at 50 marshy !!!!!!!

Bob

First of all, I am really sorry to hear about the situation you are in; it must be awful. It is difficult to know what to suggest that is helpful.

It does seem to me that you need to sort out the finances so that you both have some degree of certainty about who is going to have to pay for what and so on.

Is there any chance that the two of you can come to a financial agreement between yourselves and without the full involvement of lawyers? If you can't manage it by yourselves, you could try mediation. If you don't know about mediation, there is now an article on the subject in the Wikivorce Library.

One or two things do strike me - first of all, as your youngest is living with you and the others are away from home, your wife doesn't have much excuse for working only 15 hours. You want to ensure that everybody important is thoroughly aware of this - and the fact that you are working excessive hours to provide for everybody. This should have a bearing on any spouse maintenance.

Secondly, if the house has negative equity, it reduces the 'family pot' and may be set off against some of the value in your pension. This means that, although you wife may get a portion of it (even if she doesn't deserve it), it should be less than she would have got otherwise.

As far as the house is concerned and assuming you retain it after the division of assets has been completed, could you trade down at some stage to something smaller and use some of the released cash to pay off part of the mortgage? This would reduce your monthly expenses. (Unfortunately, when you change houses, the government will want a slice in the iniquitous stamp duty, which doesn't help.)

On the other hand, house prices will recover at some stage and, if you can struggle on, you might do better to retain it - who knows?

Not very helpful I'm afraid, but this is the best I can do without knowing an awful lot more about your whole situation.

I hope things work out as well as possible for you.

Hi bob,
welcome to wiki.
I am so upset to hear how partners behave.It is nothing to do with sex,it is the individual ,the domeneeirn g partner obviously dominate through out the relationship and manage to do so even after divorce.Have you ever thought of cutting your hours right down for awhile.My x2b manipulated the account to an extent that I was thinking of psaaing the hat around for him.He left court and headed straight away to the airport for a month exotic holiday,and he does not do cattle class and budjet hotel.Don't you just love them.
Hope you do not ebnd up with a big sm.
Hey by the way where did you petition ,might consider moving divorce proceedings there!
take care

Situation is during FDR judge stated that the fact my wife had reduced her working week from 2 jobs of 15 and 17 hours to one job of 15 hours had no bearing as I earned substantially more.
The fact that my youngest daughter lived with me was of no interest to the court as she is over 18 and in full time employment.
The fact that I work an average 60 hours per week to cover the mortgage utility bills living expenses etc again was of no interest to the courts
The courts only concern was that my stbx was able to continue in the lifestyle she enjoyed during the marriage.
In summing up the judge "suggested" a figure in excess of 700:00 per month would be an absolute minimum SM, 50-50 split of pensions, as their is no or negative equity in the property the court felt the FMH would have to be sold.
With this in mind I agreed to a Consent Order of 850:00 per month to be paid from the date of the FDR on the understanding that my stbx moved out within 30 days. 50/50 split on pensions house to be sold.

I paid her SM and she did move out after removing almost all the small furniture etc and requested most of the larger furniture ( was not overly concerned as it meant she actually moved out)BUT she has refused to sign the HIP so I am unable to market the house therfore I cant sell it, she refuses to submit to the court details of the pensions she holds so the consent order can not be completed. she has now had four SM payments, the court hearing to finalise the consent order has been postponed twice and now she is insisting that I resubmit financial details of my pensions

So the costs go on suspect I will rue the day I agreed to the consent order as so long as she can drag things on she will

OMG!!!!!!!!!! Bob she sounds like a real b***h.

But you will read many posts on here like that, the one that buggers off, the one that cheats and causes all the pain, the one that puts in the least, the one that delays procedings, the one that sticks their fingers up to the courts and decency, GET THE MOST.

How does this happen, because it does happen as many other wiki members would confirm.

UNBELIEVABLE. I feel so sorry for you, It is just not fair. She sound like a right lazy baggage too.

I hope someone on here can come up 'with a cunning plan' to sort this out and give you some ideas.

zara

Bob

I am so sorry about this situation. I can't offer any advice, alas, but I do know that a friend of mine had a husband who refused to sort out the money etc and when they got to FH the judge ruled that as he'd held everything up by stonewalling he should pay the costs. Her ex ended up crying but the judge took no notice.

What's silly is that if her ex had just agreed to her reasonable proposals they could have sorted things out before the housing market took a nose-dive and they'd have not spent so much money on solicitors.

Perhaps you should ditch your job and take up part time work?!

Until the house is sold I have no real options other than to carry on working,
once the house is sold if stbx ever signs any paperwork (can I go on to a FH if shecontinues to be uncooperative or have I sealed my own fate)I suspect that I will reduce my working week and cut back the SM but again it just means she will have another opportunity to get back at me and cause more damage