Hi all
Well, here’s an introduction to me & some background as to why I am here.
I’m 32, my Husband is 39, and we’ve been together 11 years, and married for almost 4 of those. We have a 1 year old daughter.
This is his second marriage, he has no other children.
Shortly after getting married, he changed, and all the signs were that he was having an affair. He denied this, and I subsequently found out he had slept with a woman he worked with on the night of their Xmas party – which was 6 weeks before we got married. During the rows that ensued he hit me, to which I reported him to the police.
He was charged with common assault and had to attend an IDAP course about Domestic Violence.
I moved back to my parents, but went back after a month or so, as he promised it was all over with her. We decided to try again, and we now have a daughter.
He has numerous debts, and whilst I was on maternity leave, I had bailiff’s coming to the door every week to try & speak to him. In fact, there was a car with 2 of them in parked on our drive as we came home from the hospital with our baby daughter in October 07. That wasn’t the welcome home I had in mind!
I hid myself away from them & was subsequently diagnosed with having Post Natal Depression for which I was on prozac for a couple of months. I put this down entirely to being stressed about his debts and the Bailiff’s, plus the lack of help with the baby.
Since then, I came off the meds and returned to work in March this year – Monday to Thursday 9-5.
These past few months’ things have deteriorated between us again.
He still hasn’t made any attempts to sort out his debts –(mostly credit cards), preferring to take the ‘head in the sand approach’, and 3 of these companies have secured Charging Orders on our House. (The Mortgage is solely in his name).
He did start paying one of these companies £300pcm, however I have recently found out that he stopped paying them 3 months ago. Each day is now a race to the letterbox to see if any action is being taken.
He part owns a company, and earns a reasonable wage. He pays the Mortgage & general other costs such as food, etc. I meanwhile am struggling to pay the nursery cost for our daughter going twice a week together with the utility bills due to increasing prices, and recently had to sell my car for a smaller one just to ease things on the running cost.
He had stopped drinking, however he has recently started again, he isn’t an alcoholic, but to me he drinks an awful lot. Maybe it seems that way because I only ever drink on social occasions and never at home.
He doesn’t do much around the house to help me, even though I work in the day, and am the only one that gets up in the night as baby is currently unsettled due to teething. He is the first to have a go when the clothes he wants haven’t been washed, yet he never does any himself. Like wise if the house is untidy he has a go about that also, whilst sat on the sofa while I’m trying to clean around him.
He goes to the gym in the mornings, so his alarm goes off at 5:45 (!!!) leaving me to get our daughter ready before I can come into work, and I don’t have time to go for a swim or any exercise class in the evenings after I’ve put her to bed, sorted out her bag for nursery & done the housework.
He quite often goes up into the attic, where he has a computer & his music equipment and software to work on stuff he is putting together for an album. This leaves me on my own in the evening/weekends with no help with baby. He goes to play gigs, and has his singer round a lot on Saturdays to record for the album.
I meanwhile dont get the opportunity to go out even to the gym at nights, as someone has to listen out in case the baby wakes.
It is very one sided and his moods have become intolerable.
Last night he went ballistic at me as I had put the new saucepans he had bought in the dishwasher and the exterior had gone cloudy. They were marked as dishwasher safe, however he says in the small print it said to retain the finish they should be hand washed. I didn’t know this, however he ranted on loudly that I was a liar, idiot, useless and lazy. I have deleted the expletives.
I repeatedly asked him not to speak to me in that way, and not to shout as I’d just put our baby to bed, and the walls in our home are paper thin. He said he didn’t care if he woke her up or she heard him.
This was the final straw. It was over something very petty in my opinion. But I don’t want to raise my baby in a home where the father thinks it’s acceptable to speak to and treat the mother in the way he treats me. I don’t want her growing up thinking it is acceptable and normal, and so I told him in no uncertain terms, that if he continued this behaviour that I would be leaving him, and taking our little one with me.
Since then, I have been on the receiving end of silent treatment – which is just as bad as him ranting to be honest. There is such an atmosphere.
I am now seriously contemplating finding somewhere else to rent to live in.
Does anyone have any advise on where I would stand on moving out? Would I be partially liable for the debts in his sole name? Do I have the right to take with me the white goods that I am still paying for on credit?
I am loathe to remain in the house if we separate, as I know that the debts secured on the mortgage could result in it being repossessed.
Also, would I be entitled to any benefits as I’d be on my own on my sole wage?
Any advise welcomed.
