she gave up on me

Hi all,

It is with heavy heart I write this today with the realisation that I cant put back together what we had.
It all started 7 yrs ago with this beautiful girl shimmying up to me a a dance I attended.
Well it all went pretty quick and we were living together 3mths later. I also had the unfortunate trauma of watching my dad rot with cancer and die within 8mths of meeting, it was a sad time and put us in a groove that we never managed to get out of, full of highs and lows mostly lows but the years ticked on and we just got used to living this way I guess.
She loved me and put up with alot of my sh*t and I guess we started to take each other for granted. I supposed what compounded matters is that we started a business together which put us in a place where we could not find the balance between work life and personal, it all just seemed to blend in to one long sulk, communicating through grited teeth and snapping answers at each other. It became a pretty hostile enviroment at times, and I likened her to a terrorist there was no negotiation to be made it was her way or just grid lock.
But all the same we seemed pretty successful and happy on the surface. but in reality we just could not agree on the colour of the sky even. I suppose it made me feel pretty exhausted and from time to time I just lost it to the point of violence no punching but alot of pushing and shoving. I make no excuses and will fall on my sword in regard to the violence I guess I felt pretty powerless and impotent in my marriage which mad me behave in such a disgusting manner.
So finally she feels enough is enough and at 35 her clock is ticking and there is no future with me. And with all the will in the world I cannot make reperations for my misgivings and I guess we have come to our final chapter.
I feel very scared and nervous about what the future holds and I guess I will never be the same again after this.

Hallo and join the club!

Anyone who has been in a marriage that ends will have feelings of regrets and "if only" and "what if".

But recognising when something is past repair is the first stage in doing something to improve both your lives.

I recently (4 months) separated from my husband and we have been together 31 years which is most of my life.

Yes, the future is scary, but the future is scary anyway, if you listen to the news about the economy and the environment - and the end of it all is that we die.

So we might as well make the most of what we've got. I do know of many people who have been through the horrible mess and got through to the other side and either found someone else to start afresh with, or learned to love their own company and find a new role.

I can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else again - and its tough because my sons are now teenagers and I know they will have to go and find their own place in life so I will be on my own. But I can enjoy the solitude and not having to take anyone else into account- and of course I have my friends.

You can do the same, but there's no short cut in grieving over what you have lost, both in the past and also future.

hi,
have you or her filed for divorce? I personally think your case is not too drastic. There may be hope. Its not all about being happy in bed together. you may be able to spend time together doing shopping, eating out or watch a movie etc plz try counselling.You havent mentioned kids? You may have to change a great deal like agree with her anyways for the sake of it even if you disagree inside you.. give it time and you may build a better understanding hopefully!!!one day she will realise you are putting an extra effort to be sweet promise she will too good luck!