Advice Divorcing a Policeman pls!

I would really appreciate any good advice regarding divorcing a policeman. Married for 32 years,he has 22/30 in the job and he's pushing for a divorce to protect his pension. Prior to discussing it with his male chauvinist colleagues we had a perfectly amicable seperation sorted out ourselves. So calling all down trodden ex wives/partners of policemen please!

Unfortunately without knowing circumstances surrounding your relationship, regardless as whether he is a policeman or not, need more info to comment, welcome to wiki

Saffy x

Thanks I feel like I'm among friends. Actually together for 32 years (living) married for 22, 2 kids, 13 & 14. We split amicably after we realised we were at the end of the line. He lives in rented and me in the family home with the kids as agreed. I took 8 years out of work to stay at home with the kids and against his better wishes, went back to work locally, within school hours, part-time, gradually increasing to full time as the kids got older. Living in a rural area I took a low skilled, low paid job with no security because it was flexible for the family. I couldn't afford to pay into my own pension scheme because we needed every penny to live on. We have a house with £40k still left on the mortgage and a bank loan of £10k, all in joint names. I've told you about the pension already. We agreed at the start to keep the house going with me in it for the kids and when he retires in 2017 split the house 50/50 and I said I would only take a 1/3 of his police pension and lump sum instead of half as a gesture of goodwill if he saw this through. Now he's been listening to some bitter and twisted police officers who as we all know are mostly divorced and they have spoiled our otherwise perfect arrangement. We even continue to share the car and split the petrol. He has the kids 3 weekends out of 5. He pays maintenance according to CSA rules and half the mortgage, half mort insurance, half kids pocket money and half their activities which are many and expensive.We share the running costs of the car.

He has started dating again and so I decided to too.

Clearly the pension is split at divorce and the way the police pension is calculated that would give me crumbs from the table only, which is totally unfair bearing in mind the sacrifices I made. He also wants to change the mortgage from repayment to interest only to give him more spending money. Clearly that is more expensive to do in the long run, plus if he divorces me now I won't have 50% of his lump sum in 2017 to pay it off!

Anything else?

And thanks

Hi

It seems to me that what you had sorted out at the beginning appears to be a fair settlement. I have just gone through a divorce myself and gone to a final court hearing which was not a very pleasant experience at all.

If you went to Court I am sure you would be allowed to stay in the marital home until the children are 18 or finish their education and then you would probably have to sell it and give him his share. Also with regard to the Police Pension, you would be entitled to a share relevant to the amount of time you have been married which in your case is quite a long time. I hope you do not end up in a long drawn out court battle and that he comes to his senses.

Good Luck

Hi and thanks. Yes I am quite confident about being able to stay in the home until the children reach the required age, but they calculate the Police pension in such a way that it becomes unfair for someone such as me;

30 years service in total:
For each of the first 20 they count 1/60 and 1/30 for the remaining 10 years

Which makes it worth roughly 1/3 of its final value right now and if I can only have half of that, it leaves me with probably less than 1/6 because traditionally they are undervalued anyway. So while he carries on with his career which clearly I have enabled him to do (shifts, short notice etc), enjoying a substantional pension which I have helped him accumulate with my support, I get very little. I feel it's discrimination against wives of those with a final salary scheme, anybody else would get half of what's actually in the pot at the very least.

For me it should be 50% of final or a third in my case, as I agreed (not anymore tho')

I hope all is well with you now and thanks again.