Not Coping any advice........

I have a 14 year old son who is refusing to see his Dad and who will not discuss the situation. He knows if he does talk about it he will get upset and thats not what 14 year old boys do.
It is hard to try and stay strong for your kids but staying strong does not mean you have to pretend that there's nothing wrong. Also it doesn't mean that our children should become our main support and shoulder to cry on. I try to make my sons life as normal as possible, have his friends sleeping over, he goes to his friends, he spends his nights either out or on msn and gaming with his friends. All the things he did before his Dad left. I do make a concious effort to spend at least an hour with him everynight,if he wants me to, even if just to watch him on his xbox.
It worries me that he won't talk about the situation, i don't want it to come out as anger in later life. It also worries me that he will not see his Dad, he loves him, needs him and needs to forgive him.
If your daughter will open up thats a massive step in the right direction, maybe councilling is a way forward too. It is something i'm considering for my son, if he will agree to it.

All the best lilly, you know where we are hun.

guys,
like adults ,children need time to come to terms with what is going on.
When my 17 yr old refused to talk to her dad at the beginning her dad was very upset and furious.Even though I was mad with him for putting her through this turmoil(she was doing second yr Alevel).
I made sure that he did not give up,I encouraged him to send her texts ,involve her in conversation and he sat through her 18th birthday party being ignored by her all night .
It turns out that she is the only one talking to him now.Now I think he needs her more than she needs him.
It is the elder turn not to talk to him now(24) but she always ask her sister if dad asks about her,ever thinks of her,still loves her.The other day she received a txt from him,she was very happy but still will not get in touch with him yet.
So tell your x2b to keep letting the children know that they are still there and will be when they are ready to accept the situation.Time makes a big differrence.
Take care

I am just coming out of the situation your in coming to terms and accepting what has happened helps I am now moving forward.

My 19 year old son was having panic attacks I think through seeing how distraught I was so I had to pull myself together for his sake too.

You must get to the GPs I have lost nearly 2 stone and its still dropping not good and you will make you ill. I refused anti d's and bough some kalms and kalms sleep they have settled my anxiety..

My ex will have his papers on his doormat tomorrow and I am feeling much better for having done this so that I can now move further on with my life

Dear Lilly,

I am in the process of a divorce at the moment & living far, far away from all my family and any support. It's very hard & took me a couple of years of actually living with him in misery to get out. My sister has been going through an even harder time with her divorce- but what I can say (she will lay testament to it) is start a diary or calendar TODAY - also have your child start one - mark on it how you feel today & every couple of days. Ensure you mark reaaly reat events on it as they happen ... then get out ! Go any where - find local support groups - there are SO many women & men dealing with the same thing. Even breavement for a loved one you go through some of the same emotions. I believe in 6 months time you will be in a slighly better position & in 1 year and even better position.
My sister did not believe me & 1 year later her life has SO moved forward - she even met someone whislt she was helping a friend - whom she met when I told her to GET OUT of the house.

Children are reslient but they look to the parents for how they should be feeling - so if you are down & crying - it will speak volumes to them. If this is what you want or need to do to have a good life on this planet - then be strong and do something for yourself - church can even be a start.

It's been 4-5 months for me - not cheating but just a slow dieing of my spirt each day just lving with him - today I do not miss him for 1 hour, 1 minute or 1 second. In 4 weeks time I will be out of a job & all the finances & debt just hit me - but I do know one thing - I can do this.... no matter what & I can get through it .

I think the same will be for you - so get on that calendar today & in a few weeks, months & in one year take a journey back & see how far you have come!

Best of luck ... lorinc

I am having a really bad day today but trying to lift my mood. I have started tokeep a journal and hopefully this will help in the future. I am still worried about my youngest who has gone into a shell and wants to sleep all the time but I will try to stay strong for her.

I still say that it is probably a good idea to take your youngest along to your GP - or just go yourself. Say what has happened, how it has affected you, and how you are feeling. The GP may be able to sort you both out himself, or put you in touch with a counsellor or a group that might be able to help.

If you are feeling as bad as you say you are, it is worth a try.