Not Coping any advice........

I am having trouble facing people outside the home. It seems to be getting worse. I am not sleeping and feel constantly sick. I know it is early days as I only kicked him out a couple of weeks ago but I am worried that these feelings will get worse. My youngest is also suffering, she has lost a stone in weight and does not need to and her health is suffering. I am trying to stay strong for her but I feel guilty if I get upset. Anyone can give some advice on how to handle these feelings it will be greatly appreciated......

Iam sorry to hear you are such a difficult time. You will find there are some friendly, supportive and helpful people here, who should be able to give you good advice and help.

Do you think you are suffering from fear of the future? It is quite a big thing to find yourself suddenly on your own, even if it was your decision.

I am sure you made your decision for the best of reasons. So, remember that when you want to hide yourself away. Don't be afraid to tell your closest friends about what has happened and how you are feeling - if they don't know, they can't help.

Your daughter's weight loss is a bit of a worry. It might be an idea for both of you to go and see your GP and tell him what has happened and its effect on her. He is bound to have come across it before and should be able to help.

Things will get better.

hi lilly
You must have had good reason to kick your children's father out, care to share them with me. so I understand your situation more and therefore the advice will be more relevant and useful?

It is a huge thing when the most important relationship in your life fails and you have no choice but to confront it. When it happened to me I also suffereed insomnia, couldn't think straight and would burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

I am afraid there are no shortcuts through the pain and hurt. If you are worried about your youngest you should consult your GP. Do you have good friends or family that can rally around at this difficult time? Even if it is only one person you trust that you can confide in?

It is natural to want to hide away and keep away from people because it hurts too much and you don't want to tell others that your marriage has failed but even if you don't tell them, people will find out eventually and you need people around you now for support.

Worse thing you can do is to isolate yourself. You need support and to be strong so that you can in turn support your children and help them get through this. If you fall apart, then who have they got?

Take care and it is very early days but it will get better, this is my experience

Love and Hugs
CC

Hi Lilly

I can only imagine what you are going through as I have not done the deed and kicked out my stbx. It's coming though.

Clear & Immediate are both right. You cannot keep this bottled up inside and cope with your own inner feelings and those of your daughters at the same time. You must ask someone for help even if you feel you can't. Take your daughter to the GP and don't be afraid to open up to him/her as well for your own sake. I have often done this with my GP and find he has been very sympathetic, understanding and helpful. Your health matters for your children's sake. You will be no help to them if your health spirals out of control.

If you have a close friend and/or relative you can turn to then do so. Don't feel that you ever have to face something on your own - even if your pride is telling you that you have to. It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help but a sign of strength to take the first step towards getting it.

Take each day at a time and prioritise your moves. Hey if you need to then write it all down - you've made a start on here with this post so keep going hun as it all helps.

Sue x

Hi Lilly

First of all let me send you a big hug.

I was in exactly the same place you are 2 weeks ago. I couldn't face going out, i wasn't sleeping, eating or answering the phone. I felt so alone and everything seemed so hopeless.
Then i was layed in bed one night sobbing and i thought enough, just enough. My husband had cheated on me, he had betrayed my trust and ripped my world apart but i realised it was me that was continuing to tourture myself. I was locking myself away, isolating myself. I realised that there was only me that could pull me out of of the hole i found myself in. It may sound silly but i made a list. Nothing major, no massive changes just small baby steps. 1st on the list was to go to the doctors, not for medication but to ask for councilling. 2nd was to contact old friends i hadn't spoken to for ages, this was hard but i'm so happy that i did it. The rest was mainly to find something to do every day, something to get me out of the house, even if just for 30 mins.
I'm still devastated, i still cry and miss him terribly but no matter how hard it is, just to get out of the house or to speak to a friend everyday makes a big difference.
Please continue to visit and post on this site, it helps to realise that your not the only person going through this terrible pain and there is always someone to listen.

Thanks for your replys. I am trying hard to move on and come to terms with it. I have decided to think about all the bad things he has done and all the lies he has told and that helps. My main worry at the moment is my youngest daughter. She has a lot of mental damage from him and her health is suffering at the moment. I am trying to get her to talk to me and I think slowly she will. That is the hardest part having to stay strong for everbody else.

Lilly,

I just wanted to say that I am in rag order too ref my ex.
I however, have the luxury of not having children to worry about so all I can say is that I have absolute admiration for your ability to keep looking after your kids. I am barely able to function at present so well done.

Good Luck and let me know if you find any fast cures!