New and looking for experiences from others

OK here goes this could be long so I'll start with the question and then do the story bit!

My question is did anyone go through divorce with their parents at age 5? If you did, what is your recollection? More specifically, did anyone go through their parents' divorce at age 5 at Christmas?! I think you can see what the story will be!

The story:
After a stormy 7 year marriage (nothing of note just major trust issues) (oh and he didn't ever want kids!) I left my husband in August 2005, we split completely and I had the house and our daughter then aged 2 as he didn't want her in the first place(another long story). He realised that he had given up the most precious things in his life and begged me to have him back. Although I had moved on I decided that it was worth a try for our daughter and so took him back, it took a very long time to get things sorted but they were ok, then to cut a hugely long story short, he has been up to his old tricks again and I have finally decided enough is enough. Before I go any further I should point out that at no time have I or would I ever consider keeping him from dd. He turned out to be a fantastic father in the end after not having anything at all to do with dd for the 1st 18 months and I am sure that he would be the same for No2 if he stuck around!

The only problem is now that our daughter is 5 and I am 4 months pregnant with number 2. I have asked him to give 100% to making this marriage work and see what happens after Christmas but he has now dropped the bombshell that he is unhappy too and seems incapable of this.

He has already said that he will not leave the house, he would expect me to take our daughter and go and live with my parents as he has nowhere else to go. If I do this he won't see her at Christmas as my parents will not allow him into their house once they have heard the full story.

I have asked him to move out just for Christmas but he refuses to do this as well.

He has now said that if I move out then it is my fault that dd won't see Daddy at Christmas. His ideal solution is to have separate bedrooms and stay amicable until the new year and then sort things through but I feel that this wouldn't be good for dd as we did this in 2005 and it was disastrous - also I have unborn child to think of and I have already lost over a stone from stress.

Any ideas or experiences gratefully received

NLxx

Newlife2009 wrote:

My question is did anyone go through divorce with their parents at age 5?

My dad left a few days before Xmas; and a few days before my 5th birthday.

My recollection was of the arguing, followed by a tranquil calm when he went.

Two years on he returned with a pregnant girlfriend and asked my mum for divorce. She became ill then (at the reality of it being over I suppose) and we went in to Care for three months. (I was seven)and I didn't see my father again.

However, children do well post divorce if they do not lose a parent in the process. Xmas is a difficult time, but it's just a day; and your five-yr-old surrounded by friends and family (extended family) will enjoy herself. It will be your ex who is at a loss on his own.

In your circumstances you should not leave the MH.
There's plenty of advice and support here giving you the options. But it is in your daughters best interest not to disturb her routine too much.

When there are children to house (post divorce) the needs of the kids and the parent with care are a priority to the courts.

It is often only once children and responsibility come along that you realise what an emotionally immature person your ex really is.

You sound strong, but don't be intimidated by him; and take care of your health. Let people know about your difficulties, GP,Health visitors etc.

Sera
x

Hi welcome to wiki

I will echo Sera' advice......

My step father left three weeks before Xmas when I was about 8 my sister 6, he took all the contents of the house with him, nothing left except our partly burnt out birth certificates in the fire grate. He had taken our beds, everything, loaded up in a big white van. We saw it as we were sat in our Nan's house just a bit opposite. We were in our nightclothes for 2 weeks waiting for him to leave.

He was violent, wont go into all the story, but.... that was the best christmas I had had in my life. WITHOUT HIM.
No-one getting drunk and slapping my mother around because he deemed the turkey not cooked. I remember other christmases hiding under the bed, all three of us, me my sister and my little brother, sadly he was killed when he was two years old. So Christmas holds lots of sad memories. But...... you try forget them, you come through them. Children are quite adaptable. I came out of it all making sure that my children always enjoyed Christmas.

The neighbours rallied together and provided us with as much as they could... and life went on.

Take good care of yourself, being pregnant and suffering stress is not good.

Take care,

zara