Rejection

Hi I don’t know whether this is the right thing to put on a post as am very new to all this.

Would someone please explain rejection to me and why it hurts so very much. I will explain my dilemma. Having parted from my partner of some ten years earlier this year, I have just started to go out a bit more. Our seperation hit me really badly as he went off with a younger model.

I met this guy a month or so ago and I thought we were getting along really well. He was separated from his wife and had been for a number of years. So we were taking things slowly. Anyhow, a couple of weekends ago, we were out with a group of friends and having a laugh, a drink and a catch up in general. Most of the crowd went their own way but a few of us ended up in the local nightclub. So we all carried on drinking for a while, and hey, I thought that things were going well.

Well, this guy and I get a cab home to his flat and things keep ‘hotting’ up as they say. And in that heat of the moment, we undress and fall onto his bed, for what I thought was going to be a night of wanton passion. Oh how wrong could I be. Next thing I hear is him snoring !!!!!! Can you believe it?? You can imagine that I was now totally at a loss for words, and actions!!! Should I wake him? Should I just leave? What next? I took the first choice, tried to wake him, but to no avail. Oh don’t get me wrong he woke for 30 secs, kissed me and then went back to sleep. So, realising that the evening was over, I let myself out and called a taxi to take me home!!!!

Now can anyone tell me how that wouldn’t feel like total rejection !!!!!!

Needless to say, the two of us haven’t really spoken properly over the last few weeks, as I feel like strangling him. We now tend to avoid each other. And, obviously, we haven’t been out again. In fact I haven’t been out again since then. My self-confidence, and self-esteem are now at rock bottom once more and I feel as if I must start out on that long hill climb once more to gain it back.

I feel so bad, so let down, so stupid. How could I have fallen like that and made a fool of myself with this guy. I was looking forward to my new life after my separation and hoped to find happiness again. Not a kick in the teeth to knock me down from the place I had managed to rise to.

I'm now back where I started a few months ago feeling totally lost...............


Jenny

Hi Jenny,

welcome to the world of the rejected!!!!!!

Many on here can relate to your feelings.

I would say that reading your post my immediate thought was, having a drink and a late night might have been too much and he was genuinely tired. Perhaps he feels embarrassed too!!!

Our expectations of passion sometimes do not live up to the idealistic images portrayed in books and on television.
Real life is just not like that.

Why dont you contact him and make light of the situation?
IF he does not respond to you and makes you feel rejected then perhaps you should put this down to experience.

Your confidence will be restored, but it might take a little while, just enjoy yourself, dont expect too much, and then if things happen, all the better.

good luck
zara

Well - what can I say. As a member of the male population, I can only apologise for another 'member's' behaviour!

You're feeling rejected and completely undermined, and he is probably feeling very embarrassed and doesn't know what to do.

I quite understand your feeling of rejection, but do try not to take it too seriously. It might just be that he had had too much to drink after a long hard day.

Don't let this experience put you off going out. (I was going to add some double meanings - but you never know how prudish the moderators are!)

The best thing you can do is look back and laugh about it. Of course, you could always get your own back by telling his friends!

Hi Jenny

I totally agree with the others - he was probably just tired after such a late night and too many drinks

Don't read so much into it honey... if you feel so rejected after such a short encounter... I would think that your feelings of rejection from your ex were still unresolved.

The irony is that we look to others to restore our confidence when we have felt rejected - but that's a huge responsibility to put on someone else. My advice is that we take responsibility for our own feelings and address them ourselves. Work on raising your own self-confidence Jenny and sharing that confidence with others - if you expect someone else to do that for you honey, you are bound to be let down one way or another. But to be fair, it really isn't someone else's job to do that for us - others have their own issues to deal with

Welcome to wikivorce

Shezi

Hi jenny,welcome to wiki
you should discuss this with him.
It could be that he had too much to drink or felt that you were both not ready to move the relationship to the next level.I feel it would be worst if you felt the relationship was only base on sex.do respect him for that.
take care

Hi,

Afraid this isn't as unusal as you think. I'm sure he wanted to make mad passionate love to you all night long but too much beer and a lack of sleep can make it impossible for somebody to stay awake no matter how much they want to.

Try and not be too hard on him and give him a second chance I'm sure he hasn't rejected you at all and is now just very embarassed.

J

Hi Jenny,

Just maybe.... this fella feels totally rejected and embarrassed and awkward too. Men are just as sensitive as women. Lots of men drink too much to pluck up the courage to ask a girl back for coffee, then they either can't stay awake or might just as well go to sleep for all the use they are. He could be feeling all the things you are.

I think you should ask him out for a friendly drink. Better still get your friends to arrange a group that includes you both. I think a good tactic would be to apologise to him for leaving that night. Mention of course that he fell asleep but do not betray your feelings of upset. Act as though you were calm and relaxed and friendly not upset and angry. That might give him the opportunity to apologise to you for falling into a drunken stupor and you can both laugh it off and get to know each other properly. Or there might be more behind it. So you can just leave the matter be. Don't fret over it. Find someone else.

But don't be hard on yourself.

Take it easy.