Hi, Any Help / Advice For a desperate Dad

After going through a rough patch in my marriage of 20yrs my wife went through depression & decided she wanted me out.
I said i wasnt going anywhere & that we would work through it. I had time off work to see councilors with her & looked after both my children who are aged 9 & 7. But, she kept saying "i just see divorce" to the councilors. I fealt lost, lonely, sad with know where to turn.
After a couple of months of this she kicked me out,to which i said if that ever happenend i would never ever forgive her for hurting my children as we always did things equally, i would bath them, do there homework with them, play with them, read them bed time stories and all the things any Dad would do.

She filed for divorce in June & we are also in mediation.

This woman that i used to love since school has turned my world upside down, until last month i was paying the mortgage & all the house hold bills which cost me £1500 per month. AFter seeing she was getting the same amount of income as me for working 16hrs a work, (i work full time) i said i had to stop paying the bills, apart from mortgage & loan (£1100 a month), agreed in mediation. Since this has happened she has told the youngest i have stopped paying bills so there will be no treats or food as she cant afford it!!
The eldest has seen through what shes been doing & is fine but the youngest is taking it hard & i havent spoken to her for a few days. There is an agreed time in the morning & at night i can ring them but 90% of the time she wont let them answer the phone. I do see them at w.ends but last w.end was told i couldnt, my eldest rang me heart broken saying she couldnt go a fortnight without seeing me, how could any so called mother do this to their own children? Shes trying to hurt me by hurting them, surely there must be something i can do to stop this horrible woman hurting my children in this way? I dont want them ending up emotionally damaged like she is. When they are with me they are happy & dont want to go back home, the eldest has already told me twice she wants to live with me. My solictor says its a waste of time fighting for custody as only in very very rare circumstances do Dads win.

My children are all i live for & seeing them hurting like this when, there have been times when there mum was ok & they were fine, im just struggling to get my head round it all.
What i dont want is for them to end up resenting her but she cant see it. she tells them all sorts to turn them against me, all i tell them is, Mum & me are still friends (though i cannot even look at her now without hating her)we both still love you very much & everything will be o.k
Sorry for the long post but im at a complete loss as what to do next & am desperate for my children to live as normal a childhood as possible without her dragging them through this

HI richie,
welcome to wiki.If she is not playing fair,just move back in.She is doing what many peeps ,do using the children for thier own gains.
go for shared custody,which is only right.Your children should come first you are right
good luck

Hi marriaa

Thanks for the welcome & advice

I couldnt move back in as part of the reason i moved out was because she was swearing at me & hitting me in front of the kids, i couldnt let them see that anymore/again

Hi Ritchie,

I have been in exactly similar sitautaion but end was little different only to find out she was seeing another men and in all the mediation and other meetings she was saying' I can only see divorce'. Anyway, it was same story with my twin boys. (see my profile for case).

My advcie would be-- get to the court without delay at all.. no point try to sort out with mediation or solicitor as it will cost you so much and will not acjhieve anything as some people are like that.. I did self rep so won't cost you much and I won the shared resdiency for my children.

Please let me know if you need any help/info