How to manage to afford a divorce

Hi Mensa

I would agree with the consensus that you should try and make the marriage work. Divorce should be a last option and as I think someone said perhaps if your wife is thinking of divorce she should talk to people that have been there!

Do you or your wife have family you can call on, in particular is her mum close by and perhaps able to give her support. What about health visitors that may be able to assess if she has PND and get something done to help?

Good luck!

Steve

pep wrote:

vegt----you sound very bitter.
"All women seek control, all the time".
I must disagree with you on that point, and I am sure a lot more women on here will too.

You are probably right but I am at the beginning of my divorce right now and I feel hard done by. It is very likely that in two or three years I will feel very different.

I agree with pep, sorry vegt but you sound very bitter! I am a mum of two very young kids just separated. what I think you do not seem to see is that in the end the money is for the kids-if your ex has to struggle, it will affect the kids, your kids. if the mum has to go to work early and the kids are used to a home-stay mum, it's a big change for the kids. why playing childish games and not just put the wellfare of your children first.
Mensamusic, try as much as you can to stay with your wife and seek help-then at least you can say I have tried everything possible for this family.

But what many people seem to forget is that no one's standard of living after divorce will be what it was before. period. It is pointless thinking otherwise.

Maybe money is needed for children, but money is also need for PWC and for the parent who is not with the child.

Bottom line, 2 rents are more than 1 rent, similarly, two mortgages are more than one mortgage. Wave good bye to boys toys, wave goodbye to hairdo's. This is life in the real world.

Thanks guys,

I had considered PND, but some of this has been going on before and during the pregnancy too. (could it be hang over PND from baby no.1?).

It's very hard to get my wife to see a doctor. I love my family, love my house, enjoy my job. It's just getting me down that I can't get my wife to enjoy life. She always looks for the obstacle or the negative in a situation. Her mum is supportive but is also a very very negative person.

I'm hoping that once the baby is a little older and we can take a night out, that things will improve again. She's already talking about me moving out for a few weeks as she feels like she could cope much better on her own.

mensamusic wrote:

She's already talking about me moving out for a few weeks as she feels like she could cope much better on her own.

Sure, with your money. Difficult one, mate. Be on your guard for her trying to create situations where she could accuse you of domestic violence - it is the best and fastest way to get you out of the house if you refuse to move out.

Hello Mensamusic

You say that your wife's mother is negative as well, which might suggest a long history of depressive thinking and behaviour. Also, how does your wife interact with the children? New mums show every emotion in the rainbow, but usually there are periods of terrific elation to counterbalance the exhausting, hormonal turmoil of early motherhood. If your wife is miserable and, more important, irritable around the children, any GP will tell you that it is a classic sign of PND.

Another giveaway for depression is talking about the "worst case scenario", in this case the breakdown of your marriage. It could be (this is pure speculation and should be treated as such) that your wife is talking about divorce in order to ward it off, if that makes sense ... name a thing and you get it under control. Some deep insecurity in her (it's your comment about her mother that's got me thinking this way) may have been ignited by pregnancy, birth and looking after babies.

As others have said, divorce is the worst outcome. You might think of going yourself to the GP to talk this through and explore the options. Are you still getting home visits from the health visitor? Might be worth getting in contact with her to talk through your difficulties and what could be done to put things right. From what you've posted, it sounds like family-centred therapies might be just what you all need.

Thinking of you all.

livewire